7 Dos and Don'ts of a Good Confession

Caroline Godin uses her experience of hearing her kids admit wrongdoings to point out tips for a good Confession.

First confession: I’m not a priest. (Glad I got that off my chest.)

I’m no expert on confessions, but I know a little something about admitting things and forgiveness. If I can see when my kids aren’t being honest or when something’s weighing on them, how much more can God see?

Let’s look at Why before diving into the Dos and Don’ts.

Why Confess Your Sins?

I usually know when my kids are lying or hiding something, and I’m a mere mortal. I want them to come to me and tell me. If I point it out, they don’t experience that honesty and coming clean. I don’t want them to feel burdened by guilt. When they confess it themselves, that guilt is far less.

Plus, they get to experience my mercy — far inferior to God’s but still big to them. Nothing they do can stop me from loving them. How much more for God’s love with us?

If we acknowledge our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and cleanse us from every wrongdoing. (1 John 1:9)

God wants us to receive His mercy. How can we do that?

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7 Dos and Don’ts of a Good Confession

We’re imperfect beings. He knows already, so it’s more about us letting go of the weight of sin. That alone relieves some pressure.

Let’s look at some Dos and Don’ts of a good Confession to help cleanse the soul.

Do Pray First, Don’t Fly Blind

When a kid says, “Mama, can we talk?” I know it’s not likely about Transformers or ninjas. I grow a few extra ears and my heart sits outside my chest. That kiddo is preparing for a serious conversation.

Pray for guidance from the Holy Spirit before Confession. He’ll help you confess your sins. Think about what you need to say more than exactly how you’ll say it. Remember, it’s not about being judged; it’s about letting it out. It just takes a few minutes.

Do Admit the Sin, Don’t Make Excuses

Honesty is refreshing. I’d rather hear, “Mama, I broke it,” than arguing over who did it.

Tell God (through the priest) your sin. Take responsibility. It makes the process easier.

The priest isn’t there to punish or judge you. I once told a priest I forgot what the penance he said was. He said, “That’s okay, I forgot your sins.” Then he reminded me of the penance.

The priest isn’t there to judge and gossip and punish. Just take responsibility and receive God’s mercy.

Do Focus on You, Don’t Blame Others

It’s your moment, your Sacrament, so only talk about you.

When my kid says, “Well, so-and-so …,” chances are I know what so-and-so said or did too.

“I asked about you,” I say.

You’re in Confession; just you. If others have sins to confess, that’s on them. To get the most out of the Sacrament, focus on you.

Do Get to the Point, Don’t Be Vague

I can tell when my kids are beating around the bush. Just rip the bandage and say what needs to be said. Plus, it’ll save the poor priest the time of trying to follow your word map of a confession. Just come out and say it. That helps him help you.

Do Make a Clear Finish, Don’t End on Silence

As the saying goes, land the plane. Babbling on makes it hard to know if my kids have made their point or if there’s more to the story. When they pause, I can’t always tell if they’re done. If there were a screen between us, it’d be harder. Is this person thinking, praying, passed out?

When a kid finishes with, “I’m sorry,” it’s clear. Stating remorse at the end helps the priest know you’re finished. Definitely don’t end in silence, or he’ll continue patiently waiting. Make it clear you’re done.

Do Your Penance, Don’t Come Out the Way You Went In

When my kids are really sorry, they do the things I’ve asked to make up for it. Cleaning a spill, making amends, or writing an apology, actions speak louder than words.

Your penance might be a short prayer or something more — but do it. We don’t go to Confession because we’re doing great. We go there to be healed and come out clean. So don’t come out the way you went in. Do the work.

Go to Confession

That’s the last Do: go to Confession. Like a famous brand name once said, “Just do it!” It costs nothing but frees your soul. God doesn’t gain. He gives. His mercy is free. Go get it.

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My kids always walk away a little lighter after our talks. Our loving Father wants the same for us.

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7 Dos and Don'ts of a Good Confession

Why Confess Your Sins?