A Christmas Reset

In a surprising way, Betty Vertin was taught a lesson about being too hard on herself amid an extra-busy Advent season.

Check. The last gift is ordered. Check. The uniform is clean for the basketball tournament. Check. The baseball-playing son is registered for camp. Check. The laundry is done, and I am ready to pack for a clinical trial. Check. The Christmas menu is planned.

Check. Check. Check. I’ve been treating this Christmas season like a checklist. Items that need to be completed are not like the holy season it truly is.

The first days of Advent flew by. I went to Saturday Mass with some of my family for the first Sunday of Advent. A telling sign is that I don’t remember the homily or even which of my kids were with me. I do remember the bulletin and seeing Mass times for Immaculate Conception Holy Day Mass. I knew it would be easy to forget as I was going to be traveling out of state with my three sons with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy (DMD).

My sons had an opportunity to screen for a new clinical trial for a medicine that has the potential to help them by slowing down the progression of the muscle deterioration caused by their disease. We would get home the day before the holy day, but I knew that my boys would be exhausted and potentially me. So, I made sure to remember the date and times.

We traveled the five-hour drive to and from our appointments in Denver. We stayed for three days, and I was right; we got home exhausted late after a full day of appointments, three cardiac MRIs, three physical therapy appointments, and so much paperwork my head was mush. In fact, I left our suitcase in the parking lot of the hotel right next to our parking spot—and didn’t realize it for hours until one of my sons asked for a water bottle, and I realized the case of water bottles was sitting on top of the said suitcase in the parking lot.

null

I again attended a Saturday evening Mass, and when I was in the church, I realized I had missed the holy day. I was upset. I felt terrible. And then I realized I'd forgotten my holy hour of perpetual Adoration as well. I was rough on myself for not making Christ the focus of Advent.

I knew I would be distracted with the clinical trial (we made it in the trial and will travel back to Denver next week for all three boys to have an infusion). So I made a list of gifts, menus, dates of travel, and so on. And I checked everything off that list and thought I was ready for Christmas. But my heart was not prepared. I had not given Jesus any time in my schedule.

Click to tweet:
My heart was not prepared. I had not given Jesus any time in my schedule. #CatholicMom

On Monday, I went to Confession before my next scheduled hour of Adoration. And it was divine. Father told me it was good of me to be in Confession during Christmas time, that it would help fill my heart with the right things, and that those things would overflow into my family for the rest of Christmas.

My eyes filled with tears. The grace and forgiveness I received in the confessional that day touched my heart. I had been so harsh on myself for all that I wasn’t doing well.

Forgiveness was a reset. I believe in what the priest said, that what is in my heart will flow into my family. That gives me the courage to keep trying, the motivation to do better, and the peace that I am doing my best.

null