A Gift Freely Given: Why We Have No Christmas Lists This Year

Helen Syski’s family tries a new experiment to keep the true gift in Christmas. 

Wham! The basement door slammed and a little someone lingered near the top. I turned from the breakfast dishes and prayed to the Holy Spirit. My heart sank as I approached my child and became aware that he was, at that moment, a concrete bunker. No one was getting close. I wrapped my hug around him anyway, hoping that some love would find a crack.  

As I held him, I had an epiphany. There had been an uptick of thoughtless behavior in our house — a bump here, broken toy there, hurtful comment … everywhere? There had been selfish behavior — scrambling for the best seat, the biggest cookie, the red marker. 

We had talked about being generous. We had talked about being supportive. We had talked about charity and temperance and prudence. 

Now I realized that the roots of those virtues were shriveling because my children had forgotten how to receive. It wasn’t that the good actions weren’t also happening, rather, my children were not letting themselves be nourished by those actions. They were not opening their hearts to the encouragement and apologies of their siblings, or the good things God had given them. Until they could receive these things, they would not flourish.   

So I took a drastic measure, knowing that if I want my kids to live in wonder and delight this Advent, a prescription was necessary. This year, there would be no Christmas lists. 

Keep Watch in Wonder 

Over the years, Christmas lists have shifted from a few ideas to help the giver to demands dictated to the giver. Those Christmas lists focused my children on making their own happiness, and that made it certain they would not find it. No list meant they were free to live fully in the wonder of Christmas once more. It gives permission to be vulnerable; my children are surrendering their wants and future happiness to those who love them. This is exactly what they must learn to do with God. 

Doling Out Delight 

Now that their siblings have not picked their own presents, our children have the freedom to truly delight each other and learn to become givers as well. They have to do their own thinking and look to the wants and needs of another. What will brother like best? What will evoke a laugh of joy from sister?   

To enhance this, each child has been secretly assigned one sibling to delight all Advent — a bed made here, shoes put away there. Making room in their hearts and schedules for each other is an important step in making room for Baby Jesus.  

Truly Receptive and Grateful 

No list expands the possibilities of gifts and I hope will open their hearts to whatever they might find under the Christmas tree. That hope-filled expectation becomes holy; it is an expectation of love and gift, not the newest, noisiest toy. This openness and vulnerability will prepare them to receive with gratitude not only the gifts under the tree, but the gift, Baby Jesus in the hay. 

Friend, remember to water your virtuous roots by receiving this Advent — the help from your husband, the chocolate from your friend, the handprint Christmas tree from your child — even if it doesn’t look like what you think you want or expect.  

Is there something blocking God’s love as it pours down from heaven? Perhaps you need to accept it and receive it for God’s love to seep through it and water your parched roots.  

His love is here this Advent, pulsing in Mary’s womb, waiting to be birthed into our hearts. 

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Copyright 2025 Helen Syski
Images: Canva