A Letter to the New Allergy Mom

Lindsay Schlegel shares her twelve years of experience parenting a child with severe food allergies for moms experiencing a new diagnosis.

Hey, New Allergy Mama. I see you. This is a lot to take in, right? Maybe you’re not surprised to have your child diagnosed with food allergies because someone in your family has the same condition. Then again, maybe you’re like me and the diagnosis took you completely by surprise, as did the incident that precipitated the test.

My oldest child was nine months old when a friend offered me a strawberry-flavored freeze-dried yogurt drop for him. We hadn’t introduced dairy yet, but I couldn’t imagine any of our kids would have food allergies (I actually spoke this aloud not long before this episode). My baby liked the treat, and she shared a few more. As we were packing up from the park, my friend noticed red marks on my son’s face.

Weird, I thought, but he seemed okay otherwise. We stopped at the grocery store and went home. His skin went back to normal.

My little guy liked those yogurt drops, so I bought some. We gave them to him as we drove down the shore for vacation a short time later. Again, the red spots, but this time they weren’t just on his face: they were on his limbs and torso as well. Again, weird, I thought. It took me three episodes to realize the drops were causing these red spots, which were, of course, hives.

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We called our pediatrician and were advised to give our son a certain dose of Benadryl. After vacation, I took him to our pediatrician and then an allergist. Some of the advice I got was good (“go to an allergist,” “let’s test him”), some was bad (“try cheese at home,” or “don’t give him those things” offered with neither further practical assistance nor an epinephrine prescription).

And so began our life with a son with severe food allergies: dairy, egg, peanut, tree nut, and sometimes pumpkin seed. We haven’t sorted out why pumpkin seed is sometimes fine and sometimes causes him to vomit. Either way, that one’s pretty easy to dodge.

The diagnosis was a lot for me to take in. I had to learn to shop, cook, and eat differently. I wondered what school would look like, birthday parties, work events when he was an adult. I read the statistics about children growing out of allergies (more technically, of allergies resolving), but who could say? And whether or not this was an issue later, how did I deal with it in the moment?

Twelve years later, I can tell you that my son has been in traditional school since age three, and has not yet had an episode at any school-related event. He has gone to birthday parties and field trips. He has walked to town with friends and ordered lunch out on his own (God bless Chipotle). He’s been to sleepaway camp twice. He’s a great cook and otherwise a very healthy, active young man.

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We don’t know why this is the way God created him, but we approach it as an opportunity to appreciate what he can do; to be aware in this and other ways of what all of our unique, individual bodies need to be our best; to be grateful for the alternatives we have available to us and for the people outside our family who make it a priority to make sure he’s included in everything. (I could write another whole post on these saints-in-the-making alone.)

Some of our family understood right away. Others didn’t. I’ve had to be firm with people in a way that can be uncomfortable, to read waitstaffs’ comfort levels in their body language as a gauge of safety. We bring our own food and medicine to nearly every event we attend—that’s how sleepaway camp worked! But sometimes things are awkward and he doesn’t want to be singled out. That, in particular, stinks.

I’ve had to ask for and accept help. I’ve had to trust more completely in my Father, who knows and loves my son even more than I do. I’ve had to ask questions, to play detective, to think farther ahead than I want to. I’ve had to be the advocate, to be the example for my son to learn how to be the advocate for himself.

I have the perspective now to see all of this is an opportunity to lay my struggle down at the feet of our Lord and lean on Him. Mama, there is something bigger at work here. You are not alone. And you can do this.

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We don’t know why this is the way God created him, but we approach it as an opportunity to appreciate what he can do. #CatholicMom

For more of my thoughts on living with food allergies, check out this piece at Verily. If you have further questions or want someone to talk to, please leave a comment or email editor@CatholicMom.com and your message will be forwarded to me. God bless you and your families!

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