A Magic Formula for Passing on the Faith?

Passing on the faith to our children is a lofty goal, and Kathryn Pasker Ineck wrestles with just how to accomplish that. 

Nurturing Catholic kids into faithful Catholic adults is a common topic I have heard discussed over the last 20 years, both by young parents raising their little children and older parents lamenting the lack of faith in their adult children.  

Faithful Catholics want their children to keep the faith, but as many as 85% of all cradle Catholics do not actively remain so as adults, according to the General Social Survey conducted by the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago.

Eighty-five percent. That is a staggering number. 

A few years ago, I was chatting with a couple of friends, and I commented that I was trying to lay a foundation for my kids’ future in case they choose to marry outside the faith. My biggest concern is that a future daughter- or son-in-law could mistake our adherence to Canon Law for a rejection of her or him as a person, which would be terrible. 

“Oh, no,” One friend responded, “my kids don’t even know that marrying outside the faith is a possibility for them!” 

Why focus on keeping kids locked in my faith? 

Protestants often ask me why I would want my kids to remain Catholic, asking if it’s because I think I’m “right.” 

Well, yes. 

We all choose for ourselves what the “right” way to worship is. We have to. If not, we stand for nothing. My adult nieces and nephew have beautiful faith, every one of them, and they are not Catholics but non-denominational Christians. I would never question their faith because I know that they are worshipping in the best way they know how, and that they believe they found the “right” way to do it. Our personal faith in Jesus — our personal relationship with Him — must be so powerful that we cannot see any other “right” way.  

Because I love my own Catholic faith and tradition, because I have found Jesus in a deep, authentic, and personal way there in Holy Mother Church, of course I want my children to find Him the way I have. Rooted in the Bible. Guided by the magisterium. Fleshed out by history. Detailed by the Church Fathers. Present in the Holy Eucharist. 

Fostering vocations in the home 

Our local Catholic radio station, Salt & Light Radio, included a Seminarian Spotlight segment over this past summer during their Morning Light show. When hosts Brian Howell and Hope Ryan asked my son for an interview, I excitedly woke up early to listen in (and by “early,” I mean 7:15 AM). We don’t have many opportunities to see Charlie often, so it was a treat to get to hear his voice, and to hear his thoughts! 

“How should families foster vocations in their homes?” Brian and Hope asked.  

Charlie’s response? 

[It’s the same] for children to [choose to] be in a holy marriage. Be solidly Catholic. If you’re Catholic, act like it and pray with your kids …There’s a lot of, I’d say “wives’ tales,” around how to get your son to be a priest or whatever: pray the Rosary every day, or this devotion or that devotion, but when it comes down to it, it really is just taking your faith seriously, acting like you believe what you say you believe … If we go to Mass on Sunday, and Mom and Dad are just like, “oh we gotta to go Mass,” [Mass becomes something we have to do]. 

Don’t make it a chore; make it the center of your life. If you’re going to Mass, [remember that] this is the highlight of our week, this is the highlight of our day … I would say make your faith the highlight and encourage your kids to do what the Lord wants of them, whether that be marriage or the priesthood, and maybe [offer] a little bit of catechesis about what a vocation is versus [what] a job is.  

Listen to the full interview:

Though Charlie’s thoughts are insightful, there is no magic formula to raising Catholic adults; God gave each of us free will. Our children have the same freedoms we all have! Charlie’s thoughts do match the findings of a recent study called the Future Faithful Families Project, led by researchers from the Peyton Institute for Domestic Church Life and Georgetown University’s Center for Applied Research in the Apostolate. 

Twenty-eight people responded to the study and the findings were insightful. Families whose children grew into practicing Catholic adults all: 

• Regularly ate meals together. 
• Developed good communication with each other. 
• Attended weekly Sunday Mass, Holy Days of Obligation, and other liturgies together. 
• Fostered a warm and affectionate home. 
• Performed acts of service within the community. 

These five characteristics seem lofty and maybe even a little saccharine, but they all emphasize a point. Raising families in a genuine faith necessarily means fostering deep relationships among each other. Eating together, praying together, playing together, and working together are all intense bonding activities.  

Additionally, the exceptional communication skills these families exhibit showed that parents didn’t just talk at their kids: they took the time to listen to their questions and discuss the issues as conversations that respected the kids’ intellect and emotion.  

Does it work? 

Of course, Daisy and Rooster think we have accomplished all of the items identified by the study, as if it’s a progress checklist. My kids are all still young, relatively speaking, spanning ages 15 to 21. My husband and I find ourselves out of the elementary-school years and with a family of high-schoolers and college students who are still developing their identities and ideologies. We are by no means experts and still feel as though we're undertaking a grand experiment … but they are all active participants in the faith, each with a unique perspective and each fostering their own devotions. I have no idea what their lives will bring in the future. I’ll report back 20 years! 

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Copyright 2024 Kathryn Pasker Ineck
Images: iStockPhoto.com, licensed for use by Holy Cross Family Ministries