A Postpartum Lent

Allison Auth shares how the hidden sacrifices of motherhood can make for a fruitful Lent.

I was confirmed in eighth grade with the patron St. Bridget of Sweden. All I knew about her was that she was a mother who had children who also became saints. That following year I read her mysticism on the Passion and thought, wow, that’s intense. As a 14-year-old girl who had a newfound love for Jesus, the only thing that made sense was that I was going to die for Him. I had this gut feeling that I would not live past my 16th birthday because my lot in life was to die for Jesus.

Well, two years passed, and then two more decades, and I am still here. I have had my fair share of other trials and sufferings that God has deemed necessary to refine me over the years, since I wasn’t quite saint material at 16. And honestly God is better at knowing what sufferings I need rather than me trying to choose them for myself.

Ever since my conversion at 14, I’ve wanted to do great things for God. I spent most of my life in ministry and met my husband at the church where I worked as a youth minister. My first child’s due date was right before Good Friday. I spent that final trimester during Lent preparing and praying and suffering. But he didn’t arrive by Easter and came ten days late by emergency C-section. Thus began the hidden journey of motherhood that was a lot of suffering not of my choosing.

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We unexpectedly got pregnant 9 months postpartum, so the following Lent I was pregnant again while nursing an almost-toddler. The Lent after that I had postpartum depression and for the next few years, I was always nursing or pregnant during Lent. And at first, I let the disappointment of not being in control shape the way I “did” Lent. I couldn’t go to all the liturgies, have the prayer routines or fast the way I used to, but I would still try and then berate myself for not succeeding.

And then I swung the opposite direction and gave up trying. “Nursing is my Lent,” I told myself, while I gorged on TV and baked goods. The night wakings, bodily aches, and physical exhaustion caused me to grumble over my sufferings and live for “me time.” It did not go well or bring me closer to Jesus.

But there is a third way to have a postpartum Lent, marked by more intentionality. In the wise advice of St. Francis de Sales:

If you can refrain from trying to do all things, but instead attempt to do only some one thing, then you will do much. Practice the mortifications that most often present themselves to you, for that is the first duty to be done. After that you can take up the others. (Magnificat, January 2024, p. 364)

St. Francis goes on to say although we often want the more noble-seeming mortifications, those are not often the best. But that should not discourage us from finding the humbler, ordinary mortifications to offer up to Jesus. You might not be doing a bread and water fast on Fridays, but you sure can give up that sugar craving for a salad, or that TV show for a short Lenten reflection. Instead of grumbling over another load of laundry or feeding cluster in the middle of the night, you can lean into it. It’s actually harder than it sounds in the moment, but these are the offerings our Lord first and foremost invites us to accept. The key is to be intentional about the sacrifice that you are making, even if it’s not flashy.

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Nap-time, meals, cleaning, laundry, diapers. Every day on repeat. I really struggled at first having a lot of littles at home. It was so hidden and monotonous. Only when I learned to lean into it instead of resisting it did it finally change me. Lent is a time for prayer, fasting, and almsgiving as a season to be stripped of comforts and find unity with Christ. We die with Christ so we can rise with Him. Motherhood is very compatible with those goals when approached with the right attitude.

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The key is to be intentional about the sacrifice that you are making, even if it’s not flashy. #CatholicMom

The postpartum life is like a seed planted in the ground that has to die first. In the dark soil of a hidden everyday life with babies, that seed can be transformed. Similarly, a postpartum Lent is filled with opportunities for sacrifice and suffering that can bloom into virtue, as long as you offer them to the Lord. They are not great acts per se, but they are heroic nonetheless.

Let us end with more advice from St. Francis de Sales:

Before we see him in his glory, he wants to plant many humble flowers in our garden, according to his plan. Our task is to let our hearts be ever united to his. . . Let us make our way through the low valleys of the humble little virtues. There we will see roses among thorns. (Magnificat, January 2024, p.365)

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