Delighting in Our Children

Allison Auth contemplates how our children look for us to delight in them in the same way we look for God to delight in us.

My girls begged me to see something in their room, so after cleaning up from dinner, I came down to their bedroom in the basement. After watching a few tricks on their sensory swing, I said something to the effect of, “Cool, just make sure you don’t hurt yourself. And pick up this mess when you are done!”

And as I left their room, there was a tiny pang in my heart for all the times I said to my own mom, “Look at me!” Yet often the response was of disinterest while pointing out some other thing that needed to be done. And now here I am doing that to my own girls.

I couldn’t have named it at the time, but there was a disappointment there, in the kitchen or in the living room where no one found my amusement as interesting as I did. But the desire in my heart was to cry out, “Look at me! Look at my goodness, look what I can do!” And now, looking back, I can name it as the desire to be delighted in. As it says in the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldridge,

Even if we can’t quite put it into words, every woman is haunted by the question, "Do you delight in me? Will I be chosen, wanted, seen, fought for?”

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A few weeks later as I was watching yet another feat of heroic bravery involving a homemade obstacle course in the basement, I stopped myself as I was again about to comment on the possibility of getting injured (and also the mess). Hopping from pillow to couch to end table is not all the dangerous, and kids need those kinds of challenges, but my impulse was to shoot their excitement down.

Have you ever looked at the disappointment on the face of a child when you don’t share their enthusiasm for whatever it is they discovered? Have you ever felt that disappointment as a child? It’s not that my mom didn’t love me or care about my happiness. Life gets busy though, and we can bowl over our children with our adulting and our to-do list if we don’t slow down and stop to delight in our children.

Wanting to be delighted in. That’s really all I wanted as a child, and it brings me to tears just thinking about that now. The loneliness in school, the wanting to find my place in this world. “Does anybody see me?” was the cry of my heart.

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It was not until recently that I truly believed that the Father delights in me. Oh, I heard the talks and read the Bible verses, but it required a long and painful journey to return to the wounds of my youth where I wrongly answered the Question of, “Am I lovely? Am I enough?” And as I watch my own girls begin to wrestle with that Question for themselves, I want to help them answer it by delighting in them the way God desires to delight in me.

As it says in the Book of Isaiah:

You shall be a glorious crown in the hand of the Lord, a royal diadem in the hand of your God.
No more shall you be called “Forsaken,” nor your land called “Desolate,”
But you shall be called “My Delight is in her,” and your land “Espoused.”
For the Lord delights in you, and your land shall be espoused. (Isaiah 62:3-5)

Delight takes time. It requires me to be in the present moment. To put down my phone, my agenda, and “waste time” on what my kids consider to be important. But I am convicted that when I’m older, I won’t regret not getting my laundry done on that day because I was enjoying the wonder of my children. I can’t prevent all the wounds of their heart, but I can be an icon that points the way to the One who can heal them and who delights in them more than I ever could. I can ground them in the truth that they are precious, they matter, and that time spent with them is worth it.

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