An Answer to Parents' Concerns for Children Away from the Church

Colleen Mallette shares Father Mike Schmitz’s answer for parents whose children have fallen away from the Catholic Church.

Recently I had the privilege of attending “The Hour that Will Change your Life" with Father Mike Schmitz on his brief four-city tour through the Midwest. He spoke mostly about the True Presence of Jesus in the Eucharist and how blessed Catholics are to receive God in a physically intimate way. He was a dynamic, funny, and passionate speaker, and our group got so many good messages out of his speech.  

However, what appealed to a lot of people in the audience was his answer to a question about what to do about adult children who have walked away from their Catholic faith. After pausing to think about the question, he gave a beautiful, detailed answer.  

First, he made a point of addressing that the parents were not to condemn themselves. God loves all of His children and that include parents who try so hard to raise their children faithfully. It can be easy to berate ourselves for being overzealous and inadvertently pushing our children away from wanting anything to do with the Church when they are on their own. Also, we can punish ourselves for feeling like we didn’t do enough to encourage a relationship with Jesus and the Church, either out of feeling our own faith is private or maybe because the depth of faith grew later in our lives.  

Either way, Father Mike said it doesn’t do us any good to condemn or blame ourselves. That is the devil trying to insult us and take away our joy. God knows our hearts and our efforts and loves us regardless. 

What can parents do?  

Father Mike then went on to list four specific things parents and grandparents can do to help their children:  

Pray

Never stop praying for your child and asking for God to come into their lives. God hears our prayers and desires everyone to come to Him, but He knows the timing and person who will be best to get through to your child. Be intentional in praying that your child may be open to developing a better relationship with Jesus. Remember Saint Monica, who cried and prayed continually for the conversion of her son and husband; eventually they both turned their hearts to God — thanks to her! 

Invite

Never stop inviting your fallen child to church, the sacraments, or to reading books, seeing plays, or anything that might help grow their interest in their spiritual life. Share Bible verses, podcasts you think they might like, and memes that have a spiritual message. The key, according to Father Mike is to invite, not berate. 

Don’t insult or judge them for NOT attending things you invite them to; just gently keep asking. You could mention that you are going to the 11:00 Mass while they are back in your hometown and let them decide if they want to join you, and then let it go.  Maybe one of the times you ask they will go along — not because you’ve given them a guilt trip, but because you continue to sincerely want them to receive the love of Jesus from the Mass and Eucharist as much as you appreciate it.  

Fast

Father Mike mentioned that we underestimate the power of fasting. When we sacrifice something with a direct intention of giving it up so that someone else may receive a blessing, it can be very powerful and effective. By doing some form of penance in order to support the conversion of a child you are intentionally praying for, God hears those cries of prayer. Saint Augustine reportedly said that singing is like praying twice; well fasting is like doubling down on your prayers! 

Bless 

Father Mike told a compelling story about an exorcist priest who was able to heal a girl even though her father had been condemning her to Satan even from afar for many years. When asked how much weight the blessing of a father over their child carries, the priest answered that it was many times greater, because the power of Jesus is always greater and always wins. So he encourages parents to intentionally, physically or mentally, call blessings down on their estranged children so that they may see the light of Christ. He suggested a prayer like this: “God, I ask You to please bless my child in the name of Your Son Jesus Christ, in the power of Your Holy Spirit.” 

How this talk impacted me personally 

Father Mike has such a deep love of God that is so infectious. He got the audience to laugh, cry, applaud, and think. After leaving I wanted to sit down and write down his many messages and tell my children and anyone else who would listen about what I learned or the stories he shared.   

We are blessed to have such passionate leaders in our Church who are using modern technology any way they can to share God’s love, and I felt blessed being able to hear just one of them in person.   

Share your thoughts with the Catholic Mom community! You'll find the comment box below the author's bio and list of recommended articles.

Copyright 2024 Colleen Mallette
Images: copyright 2024 Colleen Mallette, all rights reserved.