Balance Grief with Joy

Johanna Stamps explains how it is possible to grieve with intention, and eventually come to experience joy.

When people are grieving, there is one Scripture verse that feels like it can do more harm than good: “Rejoice always” (1 Thessalonians 5:16).  

Too often, this looks like putting a mask on the pain — grinning and bearing the most difficult circumstances of your life. 

This is not okay. Masking the pain can do irreparable damage.  

There is something else.  

No matter how much we want to, we can’t experience grief all at one time to get it done and over with. No matter how focused we are, we cannot rush grief.  

What we can do is grieve with intention. 

Now, what in the world does that mean?  

1. Notice your grief. Don’t just allow grief to happen, but be aware of what you are experiencing. Notice the thoughts, the feelings, the physical response to grief, and the areas you are experiencing grief in your spiritual life. 
2. Listen to it. What is grief telling you in these places?  
3. Do something. Whenever possible, do something creative with your grief.  

Maybe this is a visit to a gravesite with a favorite song. Maybe this is a note of forgiveness you write, but don't send, to an ex-husband. Maybe this is a letting-go ceremony after being fired from a job you loved. Maybe it’s a poem you write for the child you lost in a miscarriage.  

This is the minute-by-minute, day-to-day intentional grief in action. Grief often feels like something happening to you, but when you are intentionally grieving, there are little pockets of time that open up, waiting for something else. 

A joyful action may emerge as you walk intentionally in your grief.  

As I walked through the pain of the loss of my marriage, this took the shape of art. I began with watercolor and then added India ink and even created my own stamps and typefaces. For a while, I even included illustrations in my weekly writings about grief.  

I loved those spaces of creating. It was peaceful and joyful. Shockingly, these joyful places became the most fruitful places for my grief. They created time for me to be mindful and meditative. They allowed a release, entering me into an almost prayer-like state.  

I can’t explain it. It just happens.  

But let me be clear: This is not a distraction from your grief. This is not something to take your mind off things. This is something to do, intentionally, when grief is not compelling you to do something else. This is not something to take you away from your grief or rush you past your grief.  

This is also NOT something to feel shameful about.  

Often, when we are grieving, we feel locked in a space of sorrow. Anything else feels like it is not honoring the person or thing we lost. Doing something that brings joy almost feels like a disservice. It feels like we aren’t doing grief right.  

Thank goodness there is no right way to do grief.  

These actions are as unique as you are. It might be a Bible study, it might be creating a business, a decoration project, a new hobby, a physical activity … anything you feel naturally drawn to.  

The only common denominator is that this thing brings joy.  

And guess what? This just naturally happens.  

And so, in all circumstances, you can eventually joy in the midst of your grief.  

Maybe this is not exactly what God had in mind. All I know is that it’s totally profound to watch it take shape.  

What are you grieving this week?

Here are a few questions to ponder:  

• What is your grief asking you to do today? 
• What is naturally emerging next to your grief?  
• Who are you grieving with?  

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Copyright 2024 Johanna Stamps
Images: Copyright 2024 Johanna Stamps, all rights reserved.