Be Surprised at What Your Children Can Do

MaryBeth Eberhard encourages parents to give their children responsibilities around the house, preparing them for independence in adulthood.

It’s dinnertime in my house and I’m wondering what my kids are cooking. When our older four children left home for work and college, family dynamic changed. I began to work a bit more. We said yes to more activities which meant that those left at home needed to share a few of the responsibilities. With everyone above the age of 11, we thought it smart to assign days for each of us to be responsible for the dinner meal as well as that being our laundry day.

I have been so surprised by the outcome of this and wondered why I did not do this with my older children. The reason is probably that we first time moms are so overwhelmed with learning. Everything is so new. I know now what my children even from a young age are capable of and it is fun to watch them surprise themselves.

Let me share how this has worked for us. In the beginning, I let everyone decide what meal they were going to cook. That was chaos, and the grocery bill showed it! Clearly, they had not observed me take one rotisserie chicken and make that into a quesadilla night, chicken soup, and lunch salads! My husband took his turn at a meal on the day we are out of the house for co-op and his meals were healthy and creative, but he too does not have the gift of looking in the fridge, seeing ground beef, and thinking I could make meatballs, ziti, tacos, hamburgers, or sloppy joes. So we reorganized and I made meal choices for the week from what food we already had in the house. Everyone wrote their meal down for their day and we have been rolling with this system.

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Train the young in the way they should go; even when old, they will not swerve from it. (Proverbs 22:6)

There are so many ways to train up children, so many responsibilities. One of the important ones for me has always been that my sons and daughters would be able to care for their homes and feed their families. Of course, prayer and character development are crucial, but the ability to make one’s own meals and keep one's house clean and orderly speak to a self-discipline and care that is also necessary.

I have watched my children learn valuable life lessons from an early age that hopefully will be second nature to them when they begin their adult lives. They have learned that pasta night is a grace night. Don’t use it early in the week unless you need to. Brown up some ground meat into the pasta sauce and you have some protein for that meal. Add a bag salad and you have a complete meal.

They have learned that knowing everyone’s schedules for the week is an important factor in deciding what meal to cook on your day. If it’s Tuesday night and we have voice lessons, Taekwondo, exercise class and basketball, then a crock pot meal would be best. Over this year, we have learned that they miss sitting at the dining room table together, so they made that a priority more often and chose meals to bring us all together. We have eaten everything from Korean kimchi to scrambled eggs and bacon.

One of the biggest lessons that has been learned from this meal experiment of ours is the importance of grace. There were days before when I was the sole chef for all eight children. Admittedly there were some less than stellar meals. When my husband traveled, there was always a cereal night! I think they understand a bit more the grace needed when one has had a long day and doesn’t quite have the meal put together or just doesn’t feel like cooking. Those nights are reserved for frozen pizzas or the occasional bowl of cereal, and we nod with an understanding heart.

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My kids are now excited to teach their new skills to their friends. This experiment is giving me pause to ponder what else I might have thought my kids just would not be OK learning or doing? It used to be sitting and praying the Rosary together. We’ve tackled that hurdle and have many versions of a family Rosary now: from singing to rapping, to prayerful meditation, as well as the occasional speedier version. (Everyone has a favorite.) Maybe we could try for first Saturday devotion or consecrate our family and home to the Sacred Heart? When we train up our children, we are also training up ourselves, and only good can come from it.

So, let us take time to prayerfully ask the Lord: Where is it that You want my family to grow? What skills, what virtue do You want to see cultivated in them and in us as a family? Then bring it to your family as a goal and find a way to make it work regardless of the ages of your children. You might be surprised by the results!

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