Building a Lenten Community

Jena Muhr discusses the need for community in a world that seems ever more isolated.

This weekend I attended Mass by myself: a rare occurrence because my husband was at home with our three young (and sick) children. I usually spend Mass trying my hardest to pay attention while trying to keep the kids quiet. I don’t know how other parents do it, but I am always impressed when I see a 3-year-old sitting quietly, without toys or snacks for the duration of Mass. Definitely not my kids. But this week I was able to sit, without anyone touching me, and listen to the whole homily(!) and to pray with my whole presence(!).

Father’s homily was focused on how we pick at our faults, and how as a society we have forgotten how to sit around and talk with each other to learn, as Jesus and his disciples had done. Jesus lived in a time where news traveled by talking to each other, people relied on their communities for protection and support to survive. Things have changed in a couple of thousand years and now it seems that we now spend our time with our “smarter-than-i phones” (Father’s words) being told what to think and how to be. This brings us away from those around us because even though it opens the world at large, it closes the world that is right in front of us.

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Within my daily life, there are always those around me pointing out my negatives and encouraging me to look at my faults, and often I don’t even know these people. For example, If I’m scrolling my phone and I see someone who has lost a lot of weight and their clothes look so cute on them, it reminds me that my clothes don’t fit perfectly. And of course the fix to this is that I can buy the workout series or the diet program this person is selling or purchase some new stretchy clothes that will make everything all better. And then I will be happy and cute as the person in the video.

Or if I see someone with eight kids who march to Mass with matching outfits, hair perfectly styled, and behave so well throughout Mass, I of course need to buy a book to teach me how to be a better mom to have the kids that sit nicely in Mass or hire a coach to help me. These people don’t know me—we have never met, but my scrolling led me to picking at my faults and shortcomings. The people around me would likely say something different, but because my nose is in my “smarter-than-i phone” that is the voice I hear loudest.

These purchases might be a good idea, but they involve buying or investing in something from someone I don’t know who is not invested in me or my family. However, if I look to the community I have around me, I have a mom, mother-in-law, grandmother, sister, and friends who have been around and can help me with my parenting struggles. Or I can talk with my husband and figure out how we can lead a more exercise-based and healthy home. Don’t misunderstand me, sometimes you need to have the expert to help you during difficult times or situations, but maybe more than we think, we can get the support we need from those in our direct community.

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Jen Fulwiler spends a lot of time talking about communities and how being a parent and a human is not meant to be done in isolation. We are social animals and throughout the generations we have relied on each other for the support that we need. But during the last generation, or three, we have isolated ourselves to the walls of our house or a very small community.

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God gave us each other to lift each other up, to support and love one another. #CatholicMom

This is not what God desires for us. He gave us each other to lift each other up, to support and love one another. This is why I am making it my Lenten sacrifice to move beyond my comfort zone, to look beyond my phone for support, and to interact with and build a greater community around me. To talk with people after Mass, to have coffee with the neighbor I wave to, and to host Sunday family dinner and to have conversations with those around me rather than having my nose in my phone listening to others who don’t care about me. I resolve, rather, to invest my time and energy in those around me who are within my direct community.

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