Building Castles or Building a Future?

Rachel Watkins discusses parents' need to help their growing children discern what God wants as they consider their dreams for the future.

Chasing or building castles in the sky is the tendency we all have as we spend time with daydreams. We find our attention wandering as we wait for a traffic light, get distracted during a lecture, or sit on the porch. We might spend time thinking more about what could have rather that what actually is.  

These are the daydreams of what we’ll do when we win the lottery, save the world, or have our genius discovered in some way. Perhaps today we are chasing castles on the internet rather than the air: How many of us have great thoughts of becoming the next influencer? 

The struggle is when we are looking too much for castles and not for heaven. This is when we make plans in our minds but never actually on our calendars. When we think as man, but not as God.   

Bringing our kids and ourselves down to earth 

One of my young adults is going through this. He came to visit recently and shared his frustrations and disappointments since graduating from college some five years ago. He has always had employment and even some small success in his chosen field — but not enough. Life after college has not been what he had hoped. He wondered aloud if this is what being an adult is: being disappointed and frustrated? Fixing food and cleaning house every day?  

We laughed and agreed with most of his points. Adulting is hard and disappointment is woven within successes and routines. But if he wasn’t satisfied where he was, where did he want to go?  

It was a good conversation, and my husband and I did what he needed us to do. We listened and then at the end, my husband asked, “Are you looking some advice, or did you just need to vent?”

He answered, “Both.” So we offered some advice, and my husband promised to be his accountability buddy with some plans that were made.   

This meant we promised not to ask him about his plans for at least two weeks. We committed to letting him actually work on some of his ideas before asking about any results. The fact my husband was wearing his "helicopter dad" t-shirt made the afternoon’s conversation just about perfect. 

And what about what God wants? 

Building castles in the sky or on the internet is all fine and good, but it’s really important we help our kids (and ourselves) sort through the castles and see if any of them are what God is actually calling us to do. Teaching how kids how to make plans, taking it one step at time is an important skill they need to learn. (Need help? Consider David Durand’s Time Management for Catholics or Sean Covey's The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens.) 

Going back to my son, some of the ideas he talked about sound unlikely to us (food truck?); but we don’t know what God has in store for him. Before he left, we talked about what God may be asking of him despite him being of one of our "Saint Augustine kids," not currently engaged in the life of the Church. We told him we are always praying for him, and he said he knows.  

It is important to remember God has a lot to say about the plans we make. From Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know well the plans I have in mind for you ... plans for your welfare and not for woe, so as to give you a future of hope” to Esther’s proclamation (Esther 4:14) as adapted by Saint Joan of Arc, “I am not afraid. I was born for this.”  

We know that all things work for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)

These promises from God are no castles in the air but real truths to cling to. But we also know these are not guarantees of earthly success or a life without struggles.   

After all, illness happens, people lose their jobs and life is not fair. Our children need to know this too. Despite his hard work and best intentions, my son might not find success as he would like it. But we’ll be home ready to listen and offer more support when needed.  

After all, God is in charge. And in looking at Scripture for this article, this "Saint Monica mother" of a young man who is away from the Church found unexpected consolation that works for both my son and his praying Mom in the Second Letter of Peter:

The Lord does not delay his promise, as some regard “delay,” but he is patient with you, not wishing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance. (2 Peter 3:9)  

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Copyright 2024 Rachel Watkins
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