Dear Younger-Mom Me

Amelia Bentrup shares advice and encouragement she learned as an older mom that she wishes she could share with her younger-mom self.

Dear Younger-Mom Me,

I love that you love being a mom. I love your enthusiasm and zest for motherhood. I love that you give everything to your children and have so much love and care for them. I love the intensity and energy you put into researching everything and working so hard to achieve your ideals. I love that you have ideals, that you are convinced of the right way to raise children and you do it. I love that you follow your ideals and you stick to your convictions with passion and zeal. I love that you have made motherhood and children your entire world and you have poured out so much love and energy into your family.

As your older self, I have some advice for you. Three-fifths of your children are now adults. Your youngest child is on the cusp of entering double digits. The days of potty-training and breastfeeding are long behind you. Your daily duties as a mom have changed from a caregiving role to more of a managing, supervising, and guiding role.

You used to be a homeschooling, stay-at-home mom. Now your youngest children attend Catholic school, and you are going back to school yourself so you can be a working mom. You used to busy yourself with projects. There was the gardening phase, the gluten-free phase, the blogging phase, the website-creation phase, and numerous other interests you have drifted in and out of. Now, you are busy with driving and studying and running a household in between classes and carpool. Dinner is often quickly thrown together using convenience foods your former self would have shuddered at.

You used to long for an uninterrupted Mass; now you can attend Mass daily and have not had to take a child out in years. You used to long to be in your house alone; now you are frequently the only one home while the children are at school or activities or playing with neighborhood friends.

Pray More

So, what is my advice to you? Pray more. Even imperfect, messy, constantly interrupted prayer is worth doing. You used to think that prayer was only worthwhile if it were perfect, if it could be uninterrupted and focused. You still have a tough time focusing on prayer, even with less interruptions and much more free time for yourself.

My advice is more prayer and less screen time. Make prayer the first thing you do when you wake up and the last thing you do before you go to bed. Even a quick morning offering and last examination of conscience is so important.

Pray with your children and pray around your children. You used to think that personal prayer had to be private and personal. It does not. Pray while the kids play outside. Pray while making lunches or washing the dishes; even if there are interruptions and lots of noise around you, still pray.

Reflect and Discern

Spend prayer time in self-reflection. You are a unique individual, and God has a plan for you. Be who you are, not who you think you should be. Do not be so focused on being the idealized version of yourself that you lose sight of the realistic version of yourself. You can only be who God made you to be. Worry less about living up to your ideal.

Be more focused on discerning God’s will for your life and less focused on living the ideal life you think you deserve or should be living. And sometimes what God is calling us to does not live up our idealized versions of ourselves. Really try to figure out who you are, what God is calling you to, and how to balance motherhood with your own unique individual strengths and weaknesses.

Time is Relentless, Difficulty Fades, and New Struggles Arise

During childbirth, the pain feels like it is never-ending, but it always ends. Then it feels as though the baby will never sleep through the night, but eventually she does. Every difficult stage eventually passes, only to be replaced by a new difficult stage. Eventually they all do sleep through the night and wean and are potty-trained and learn to read and ride a bike and do multiplication.

Motherhood will never be easy, but it will always be beautiful. Do not be so focused on wishing away the current struggle, it will only be replaced by a new struggle. Lean into the hard and the difficulty because that is how growth happens and blossoming occurs.

Find the Village and Be the Village

You cannot do this motherhood thing alone. Community and friendships are going to be especially important in your life. Cultivate them, protect them, and put effort into making friends and keeping friends, both for yourself and your children. Do not be afraid to put yourself out there. Do not be afraid to be bold and reach out. Ask for the playdate. Ask for the coffee date. Bring someone a meal. Offer to carpool. Get to know your fellow church members and neighbors and other moms. You will need those friendships and that community and they need you. Send the text. Send the email. When you feel that niggling feeling to reach out to someone, do it. That is the Holy Spirit prompting you to action. Listen.

Stay close to Jesus. Love your children. Love your husband. Get to really know the people God has put into your life and enjoy your time with them. Do not waste time and energy on being embarrassed or worrying about what other people think about you. Be who you are. Be who God is calling you to be and enjoy the challenge, difficulty and joy that is motherhood.

Love,

Your Older-Mom Self

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Copyright 2026 Amelia Bentrup
Images: Canva