Belonging to God

Amelia Bentrup shares her struggles with feelings of not belonging and talks about how she found peace in knowing she belongs to God.

The other day, I was chatting with some friends about breastfeeding. While my children are older now and have long been weaned, I still love to talk about breastfeeding and all things baby. My friend mentioned that she struggled with the attachment part about breastfeeding. That made me think about how much I loved the attachment part of breastfeeding.

I truly loved the feeling of being someone’s favorite person, even if that person was an eight-pound newborn. It wasn’t just about feeling needed, but rather about feeling wanted. Even if I wasn’t actively breastfeeding, my babies loved me best. They always wanted to be with Mom. And I loved that.  
 
Of course, my older children love me, but I am realistic enough to know that I am not always their favorite person. I may be their safe person, but I am not always their favorite person. I know my husband loves me, but I may not always be his favorite person. There is just something about that unconditional love and adoration that a baby/toddler/young child has for his/her mother that I really loved.  

A lifelong struggle with insecurities  

My entire life I have struggled with feelings of not belonging and insecurities about being liked. As someone who is most likely neurodivergent on some level, my entire life I have felt like an outsider, like I didn’t really belong. I didn’t like the same things that other people liked. My interests were different. I struggled to fit in. I didn’t know how to approach people or talk to other people. I don’t understand sports and sports culture or pop culture or any of the other cultures that everyone else seemed to belong to or know so much about. I wasn’t sure if people really liked me for me or if they were just being nice because I happened to be around.   

However, my own personal feelings of insecurity aside, the one place I have always felt I belonged was in the Catholic church. And it wasn’t because of the people I met there. Sure, I have met some great Catholics, people who are amazingly warm and welcoming and just lovely people. I have met wonderful people who have brought meals when I had a new baby or a broken bone. I have met amazing people who have supported me through difficulties and invited us over for holidays when we were away from family.   

But, again, there was always that nagging thought of whether people really liked me for me, or just because I happened to be around and they are nice and they just wanted someone to talk with or hang out with. While human relationships are often fraught with insecurity and jealousy, anger and passion, love and hatred, it is only in our relationship with God that we can truly feel perfect belonging and unconditional love and acceptance.  

So let no one boast about human beings for everything belongs to you, Paul or Apollos or Cephus, or the world or life or death, or the present or the future, all belong to you, and you to Christ and Christ to God. (1 Corinthians 3:23)  

I have always taken comfort in knowing that I belong to God and am loved by Him. As humans, we are made for belonging and connection. However, our belonging and connection with other people is limited. Each person only has the ability to connect with and form deep relationships with a limited number of other people. But God’s ability for love is limitless. He can connect with me, just as He connected with Saint Francis or Saint Thérèse — and just as He can connect with you.  

Reassurance that we belong to God  

”My sheep hear my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish. No one can take them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one can take them out of the Father’s hand. The Father and I are one.” (John 10:27-30)  

I just love that line: “No one can take them out of my hand.” What reassurance that we belong to God, that he really loves us. If there is one thing I try to teach my children about God, it is that He loves them. I mean, really and truly unconditionally loves in a way no human person ever can.   

One of my favorite quotes is from St Augustine found in his Confessions: “Our hearts are restless until they rest in You.” Many times my heart is restless. Learning to rest in Him is an ongoing process. It is a struggle to turn my mind and heart away from the things of this word and towards God, to work at actually having that deep connection and relationship with HIm. Yet He desires it, and we desire it. So I will continue to work at connection with God and claiming my role as a beloved daughter, because it is the only place where I will ever feel perfect belonging and perfectly unconditional love.  

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Copyright 2024 Amelia Bentrup
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