Discerning God's Will

Amelia Bentrup describes how her family came to discern some major changes that will be occurring this coming year.

Just over a year ago, a friend and homeschool leader sent out an email to our homeschool co-op that her family would be moving several hours away to a small town in a new state. She had grown up and lived in our area her whole life and was leaving it all to move to a small town in a different state because she and her husband had discerned this was God’s will for their life.

To be honest, I thought she was a bit crazy. They weren’t moving for job reasons — her husband would need to find a new job in their new locale or work remotely. They weren’t moving to be closer to family. They were moving further away. They weren’t moving to a better climate or to be near the ocean or any reason like that.

Yet, God was calling them to make that move, and they obeyed and listened. A year later, I find myself in a somewhat similar situation, discerning God’s will for our family and making changes that I never thought I would ever make.

Major Life Changes

Since the time I first had children, I always planned to and was drawn toward homeschooling. It seemed a natural and good fit for our family. And I loved that lifestyle for many, many years. Homeschooling has served us well through several moves and job changes. It has been the glue that held our family together through a lot of upheaval while my husband was going back to school and making career changes and moving jobs. When I had lots of children at home, including babies and toddlers, keeping everyone together made a lot of sense, and I cherished those times.

And yet, this fall, I started to feel a pull toward something different. I no longer have babies or toddlers or preschoolers. My youngest child is eight, and my oldest is twenty-two. Older children have moved out and on. I started to feel intensely drawn toward putting my younger children in a Catholic classical school in a city about 45 minutes from our house.

For a while, I kept putting the decision off. I'll homeschool for another three years and then put them in school when my youngest children are in 9th and 6th grade. Then it became another two years, when they will be in the 8th and 5th grade. Now, they are enrolled for next year and will be attending this coming fall and we will be moving to that new city.

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It seems crazy. We have a good life homeschooling. With only older, school-age kids, it has finally gotten easier. I can focus on helping them with school without being interrupted by toddlers. We can go places without worrying about naps. I can leave them home alone whenever I need to run to the store or can leave one or two children home while I run another child to an activity or practice. I have the time and energy, but not always the motivation, to clean my house and cook dinner. I can do remote work at home and run a dog-sitting business without feeling too stressed out or overwhelmed. Life feels easy compared to how it felt five years ago.

And yet, I feel called to leave this “easy” life for something that seems scary and different, a new city and traditional school instead of homeschooling. We have good friends where we live now. We really love our parish family. Starting over seems scary. Even scarier, I am planning on returning to school in my late 40s, pursuing a new degree and career after being mostly out of the workforce for around 22 years. It all seems so crazy, yet this is where we feel God is leading us and our family.

Discerning God’s Will

So how do we discern God’s will? From my experience, the short answer is prayer and seeking peace. God’s will may seem scary and new, but the thought should bring hope, excitement, and joy. It can feel like a tug or pull that doesn’t go away. For me, it felt like a pull in a certain direction, and that pull had almost a sense of urgency to it.

It can be really hard to trust God and surrender the plans we thought we had. However, ultimately, I have learned that I can’t allow myself to be paralyzed by indecision. At some point, a decision needs to be made, and we just need to move forward. We trust that God will take care of us and realize we can always change course again if necessary.

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Decisions are best made in prayer. Spending time in Adoration has been the most important step of our discernment process. It is during those quiet moments of prayer that I feel most at peace and most assured of God’s will and care in my life. Ultimately, following God’s will always brings peace, even if following it into the unknown can seem scary and difficult.

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