Do as I Say ... and as I Do

Maria Riley emphasizes an essential element of teaching our kids about trust in the Lord.

My primary concern for my children is their spiritual health. I deeply desire for them to know and love Christ, to trust in Him in everything, and to become saints. I know that this is an easy thing to say I aspire to, but an infinitely challenging thing to consistently put into practice.

I try to do this by modeling my dependence on God throughout the day. My kids see me pause in a moment of frustration and say out loud, “Lord, give me patience to deal with this child. Send your Holy Spirit to give me the words to get through to her. Let me love this kid the way you want me to in this moment.”

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Not only does God almost always answer my prayer with instant patience and a peace that was inaccessible moments before, but I am showing my children how I handle stress in my life. It’s easy to give lip service to turning to God in prayer in our times of need, but if we are not doing it ourselves, and more importantly, modeling that behavior consistently, our kids won’t learn how to make it an automatic reaction for them.

We know that our kids learn from our behaviors more than from our lectures. Yet I have known so many parents who keep their prayer life private. Don’t get me wrong: it is essential for everyone to find quiet time alone with God. Developing a deep, personal relationship with God through daily prayer is the most essential part of your life. But as parents, we are called to demonstrate that relationship day in and day out in the ordinariness of our vocation as mothers.

A difficult yet important question we have to ask ourselves: do our kids see us relying on God? Do they know God as someone who answers our prayers and is actively working in our lives? This is the sort of faith that lasts, but it can’t be taught with words alone.

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Recently while driving through a rural part of Kansas, I got a flat tire. My knee-jerk reaction was tears and self-pity. I was alone, my phone internet wasn’t cooperating, and I felt completely overwhelmed. It only took me a few minutes, though, to remember to invite God into my suffering and that I wasn’t really alone.

I began by offering prayers of praise, and then the list of gratitudes flooded my brain. I was thankful that it was a pleasant day without rain or sweltering heat. I remembered that I had just driven my four daughters across the country for a major move on my own, and I felt tremendously blessed that this didn’t happen with the car full of kids on a 20-hour drive. I thanked God that I had a cell phone and that I could call for help.

Just like that, I went from crisis to peace. This is what trust in Jesus can look like, and I desperately want this for my kids. That night at dinner, I took the opportunity to share this story with my kids. I told them about my fear, overwhelm, and stress. I asked them, “Do you know what I did next?”

“You prayed,” they answered.

My mom heart swelled. My kids know what I do when I’m struggling. “You know it,” I replied. I shared the gratitude and peace that I felt. I explained that my day wasn’t ruined by something throwing my plans off track. I demonstrated how I live our faith.

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Our kids learn from our behaviors more than from our lectures. #CatholicMom

I’ll take my kids knowing that I trust in God over them making straight A’s or the varsity team any day. I am no perfect parent, but if I can continue to demonstrate how God is an extremely active and central role in my life, I just may be able to teach them the most important lesson of all.

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