Do You Dread the Holidays?

Lorraine Hess shares thoughts on how we can celebrate the holidays when we feel more like “Bah Humbug” than “Fa la la la la.”

A few years ago, I was singing at Christmas midnight Mass. As I stood at the cantor podium, I remember observing the people singing the lyrics, “O come, let us adore Him,” “all is calm, all is bright,” and “joy to the world.” What entered my heart was that I knew the stories of many of them, and some had experienced events recently that were anything but joyful.

I had sung for funerals of their family members. I had prayed for their healing from serious illness, loneliness, grief, financial difficulties, and estranged family members. Yet, they were there worshiping God, joining in the celebration with “God rest ye merry, gentlemen. Let nothing you dismay.” Despite their tragedies and misfortune, they were holding on to their faith.

The holiday season can be disappointing and stressful, especially when our children don’t have the picture-perfect experiences they see on television commercials and in holiday movies. They are influenced by advertising focused on receiving. Some children are shuffled between divorced parents. Many families have difficulty paying for Christmas gifts. If there has been a loss of a loved one, the holidays only exaggerate their absence. Then there’s the chaos of extra events on the family calendar. Christmas parties, school concerts, and high-school exams. It’s no wonder some people simply do not look forward to the holidays.

Focusing on What Is Most Important

I once heard someone say, “Are we more focused on our resume or our eulogy?” Do we work more on what people will say about us after we’re gone, or what promotions and awards we have accumulated? A comparison can be made to the holidays. When our children look back on their holiday memories, will the faith aspects of the holidays stand out more than the stressed-out parents and family tension? Are they growing up with positive memories of Christmas Mass, or the hassle of getting to the vigil an hour early so the family can find a seat?

Going to a later Christmas Eve Mass might make us late for the Christmas Eve party, but the experience might feel more like worship. Should we consider hosting Thanksgiving on a different day, so all our married children don’t have to split time? Is there an opportunity to show kindness to certain relatives or ex-spouses who are difficult to be around?

Holidays can be festive, but the first Thanksgiving was a struggle for both the Pilgrims and indigenous people. Similarly, the infancy narratives of Jesus were no fairy tale. Finding joy in our suffering during the holidays binds us to Thanksgiving and Christmas origins and is an opportunity to evangelize to our children that despite life’s difficulties, we still sing, “Gloria in excelsis Deo.”

Give yourself permission to skip the Christmas cards and politely turn down party invitations if it gives you heavenly peace. Adopting a family on the angel tree is great, but if money is tight, and you’re doing all the shopping, wrapping, and delivering, the kids aren’t learning the gift-giving message anyway. Having the kids help make a meal for an elderly neighbor might have a greater impact on the lesson of giving. Disclaimer: I’m not discouraging anyone from helping families in need! I’m simply suggesting that if the good things we do become our “near occasion of sin” and cause anxiety and stress, we’re defeating the purpose.

If there is grief in the home due to loss of a loved one, we should allow our children to acknowledge it and not pretend all is well. Create light in their darkness by telling stories of those we miss and honoring the traditions that were important to them. It won’t erase the sadness, but it might generate a little laughter and consolation.

Hold On to Faith

Last year, I released a song dedicated to people who dread the holidays: "Hold On To Faith." It was inspired by the people I observed at that midnight Mass long ago.

These are the lyrics:

O Come all ye faithful in your sadness and suffering, in your pain and your grief.
O Come and behold him. Lay your burdens before him; let the healing begin. 

How do we sing with a broken heart, words of “Joy to the World.”
How is there peace when our lonely thoughts disrupt the silent nights.
What do we do when the darkness is longing for some Light.
We pray. We trust. We hope. And hold on to faith. 

The lights of the season remind us of brighter days of comfort and joy.
But we come and behold him with hope in the promise of peace once again. 

How do we sing with a broken heart, words of “Joy to the World.”
How is there peace when our lonely thoughts disrupt the silent nights.
What do we do when the darkness is longing for some Light.
We pray. We trust. We hope. And hold on to faith.

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Copyright 2026 Lorraine Hess
Images: Canva
Song lyrics copyright 2025 Lorraine Hess and printed here with the permission of the author. All rights reserved.