Don’t Plant Your Seeds Among Thorns: A Catholic’s Guide to Recognizing and Healing from Domestic Abuse

Anne Marie Williams reviews a book designed for women in need of help or who want to help others experiencing domestic-abuse situations.

Don’t Plant Your Seeds Among Thorns: A Catholic’s Guide to Recognizing and Healing from Domestic Abuse 

By Jenny duBay

Published by En Route Books & Media

Well established organizations…are doing excellent work educating church leaders and domestic abuse advocates within various dioceses across the United States. Even so, up until now, a book for abuse survivors, written from a Catholic perspective and detailing what abuse is, what can be done, and the support available to Catholics in sacramental marriages has been lacking. I aim to fill that void. (p. 6)

So writes author Jenny duBay — herself a Catholic survivor of domestic abuse who now works in domestic violence advocacy and support within the Church — in her book Don’t Plant Your Seeds Among Thorns: A Catholic’s Guide to Recognizing and Healing from Domestic Abuse.

This book is for the woman who has a sinking feeling, a nagging thought gnawing at the back of her mind, that her partner or spouse’s treatment of her is well outside the bounds of normal, let alone healthy behavior, or who knows someone whose relationship fits, or might fit, the bill. (duBay acknowledges that in 15% of domestic abuse cases, the survivor is a man, but her book is addressed specifically to the other 85% of cases)

The curious or convicted reader will find detailed explanations of “what domestic abuse is, the trauma of sexual assault and coercion, verbal attacks and isolation, and the evils of manipulative control within intimate relationships” as well as healing (p. 6). But all of this would be expected information in a secular book on domestic abuse.

duBay’s book specifically fills the gap for Catholic women (with relevance for Christian women more broadly), covering “the sacrament of marriage, what indissoluble means, betrayal of the marital bond, and the Catholic declaration of nullity (more commonly known as an annulment),” as well as the most commonly-twisted Bible verses to justify abuse or staying with an abuser, and what healing looks like in light of our Catholic Faith.

Perhaps most helpfully and uniquely, duBay devotes an entire chapter to addressing the possibility that an abuser could have an authentic change of heart, a question that “countless women have asked me” (p. 6).

duBay covers “the most abused verses in the Bible,” including “Wives be submissive to your husbands” (Ephesians 5:22), “For the wife does not rule over her own body, but the husband does … Do not refuse one another” (1 Corinthians 7:4-5), “But I say to you, do not resist one who is evil. But if any one strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also” (Matthew 5:38-39), and the Catholic concept of “taking up your cross.”

As an example of duBay’s reflection on Matthew 5:38-39, she writes “In abusive marriages where the offending partner refuses to authentically and permanently give up control and change his ways, the cross the victim carries is that of coming to term with the fact that her marriage isn’t safe, holy, or healthy. Taking firm action against mistreatment is a cross in itself” (p.109).

Elsewhere, duBay offers encouragement for Catholic women who have had to leave abusive marriages, with an FAQ about annulments that cites Scripture, Church documents, and Canon Law.

Don’t Plant Your Seeds Among Thorns is no easy read, but it is a necessary book and a well-written one. In addition to women who seek to help other women, or pursue help for themselves (and their children, if they have them), I hope this book also makes its way into the hands of priests and seminary formators, since they may find themselves sought out by individuals suffering intimate partner violence.

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Copyright 2026 Anne Marie Williams
Images: (top) detail from cover