Examining Our Hearts

MaryBeth Eberhard discusses what our children learn from the words we speak and the words we teach them to speak to themselves.

There was a surprise guest in my room this morning. I found my daughter snuggled on the couch at the foot of my bed this morning wearing a beautiful rosary and clutching her Mary statue given to her at her first communion. When I went upstairs to turn off her bedroom light, I found she had made a little shrine on her nightstand with prayer cards, a candle, her Bible. Clearly, she had had a difficult night. I loved her response of surrounding herself with anchors that help her feel safe and loved. 

The risk within the gift of a nightly Examen

As I pondered when these nights began to get harder, I realized it began when we introduced a nightly examination of conscience. I'd shared with the kids that taking a moment to look at your day and think about where you fell short of who God made you to be is good. We can hit the reset button. What a gift!

However, I think the devil can take what is meant for good and speak words of anxiety, unworthiness, and condemnation into it.

I’ve noticed a trend with my kids reporting in on what they have gotten done rather than celebrating their wins. From a stolen mini-Starburst to chores left undone, a spirit of what I think is scrupulosity has formed. Perhaps I've spent too much time pointing out the negative, and the obvious amazingness of my children has been blanketed by my own tendency toward correction. Perhaps also I have been too focused on worrying about the temptations so very available to them that I do not celebrate their victories against those very moments. Hmm. Thoughts to ponder. 

A mother's role in forming children in virtue

The role of mother has such influence. Is there not a more powerful role in a child’s life than that of a mother? It is a beautiful sanctifying, and oh so humbling, journey to heaven — God willing. We have goals of warm memories of laughter, snuggles, books read, late night Dairy Queen runs, and belting out songs in the car, but we also have obligations to help form our children in virtue. While overwhelming to contemplate, I think the key is in the words that we speak and the words we teach them to speak to themselves. 

How to make a healthy examination of conscience 

Here’s how I’m beginning to change hearts in my home and reclaim this beautiful practice of examining our day through the lens of Christ.   

Step 1: I have explained what I see happening.

Satan sees us examining our days and he creeps into the gap where we fall short, and whispers lies. We need to recognize the lies and know how God speaks to us. Hint: God does not condemn.   

Step 2: I’ve taken to writing down what I’ve done well that day: victory moments. 

Not what I’ve done, as I’m tempted to do. I made a healthy dinner for the kids. I sat and read a book, giving myself rest. I prayed my Rosary in the car while running errands. This helps me fight against the lies I’m tempted to let in. For example: I’m not a good mom. I am stretching myself too thin. 

Step 3: I invite Jesus in. 

Ask ourselves where Jesus was in our day. See the day through His lens. Where did He show Himself?  Perhaps every examination and every conversation should begin with this as the focus. When we do this, we draw ourselves back to His heart where we are sheltered and can find peace. This is where I need to grow right now, both as a mother and as a follower of Christ. 

In my house, peace equals sleep and when my children sleep peacefully, Momma sleeps peacefully.

Lord, help us draw closer to You through our motherhood. May we, in instructing our children in the faith, do so in a way that helps them feel Your love, mercy, and presence.  

Share your thoughts with the Catholic Mom community! You'll find the comment box below the author's bio and list of recommended articles.

Copyright 2024 MaryBeth Eberhard
Images: Canva