Faith Matters: Conversations by Age Group

Dr. Laura Radziwon shares how to talk to your children about the faith in a developmentally appropriate way.

As Catholic parents, we want to raise children to know, love, and serve the Lord, but sometimes we don’t know how to do this, especially in a developmentally appropriate manner. 

Everywhere we look, we see suggestions such as “pray the Rosary as a family every night,” “only read religious and spiritual books to your children,” and maybe even “make sure to have a prayer altar in your home.” While these are beautiful suggestions, they sometimes are not practical, or they feel intimidating. Additionally, none of these suggestions explain why the Rosary is such a powerful and beautiful prayer, how these religious books can aid in our understanding of Christ’s mercy and goodness, or how an altar can continue to lead us closer to Christ. Many times, we adults get so wrapped up in teaching children what to know and not Who to know. 

We can be so concerned that we are speaking over our children’s heads that we downplay and underemphasize the richness and intelligence of our Catholic faith. So here are some practical tips for varying age groups on explaining our beautiful faith to your children of varying ages without watering it down.

Toddler years

It is important that toddlers understand boundaries and have basic trust of their parents. As such, basic trust is also important in a relationship with Our Father. While it is fun and right to use phrases such as, “Jesus is your friend,” it is also imperative to let the toddler know that “just like Mommy and Daddy keep their promises to you, so does Jesus.” Toddlers thrive on consistency, and it is prime time to lay the spiritual foundation that God is trustworthy, loyal to us always, never gives up on us, and loves them more than their parents do.

Consistency is key in this age group. Go to weekly Mass, say a similar prayer each morning and night, teach them the Hail Mary, Our Father, and other simple prayers. Make talking about Jesus, “Mama Mary,” and the saints a normal conversation in the household. Understanding these prayers and routines will come later, but these habits lay the foundation.

Elementary Age

While this age group can still have trouble understanding how others do not see the world the same as them (fun fact: it is called egocentric thinking), they do start to gain a sense of purpose and competence in their lives. This is the age where children can understand what "truth is, how God’s Truth comes from God’s Word through the Bible and Tradition, and how we are sinful creatures that need saving and mercy.

This is the age where children can start to understand that the words in the Hail Mary come from the Bible, that Mary was chosen to be the mother of the Savior, and that Jesus was and is fully man and fully divine. This is the age where you can start to have bigger conversations about where our traditions come from, read books about the faith and the saints, and truly show them how prayer and faith can naturally fit into a busy daily schedule.

Junior high

Children in this age group are beginning to understand logic, think abstractly, and are even concerned with the hypothetical and the future—so lean into that! This is also the age children will start to question bigger topics, and may even question things such as, “why are there so many rules?” and “aren’t all religions the same if you’re a good person?” This shows that their brains are working overtime and are thinking for themselves.

Remember, this age group is beginning to be exposed to algebra, statistics, and the scientific development of organisms. If your child can understand and follow the entire complex storyline of Star Wars or Harry Potter, I promise that Bible and Catechism is not too complex for them. Trust that your children can begin to grasp the higher-order, abstract concepts of our faith. So, for this age group and their questions:

• Point them to the Bible and the Catechism (let them choose a Bible and Catechism of their own, if they do not have one already)
• Suggest they bring these questions to prayer. Pray with them and model how to ask the Spirit for wisdom and guidance.
• Pray the Rosary together and discuss the mysteries and fruits of the mysteries. This can also lead into talking about the saints who had a devotion to the Rosary.

High school

From a cognitive and socioemotional standpoint, teenagers are grappling with the questions, “who am I” and “who do I want to be?” Instead of telling them “You are a child of God,” which they may see as dismissive, allow natural conversations to unfold that bring them to that conclusion by themselves. Allow them to question their faith and remind them that even the disciples questioned their faith.

Be ready to have frank and deep conversations about the faith. This is an age where many mistakes occur (think of the teen’s brain as a car where the gas pedal is "pedal to the metal" with a brake pedal that is not fully formed yet) and a great opportunity to lean into the saints as examples of people who made mistakes but are still in great favor with God. Talk to your teens about God’s merciful and graceful nature. Be open to walking with them in their journey to understanding exactly who Jesus is, what He did and continues to do for us, and be open to learning with them.

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We can be so concerned that we are speaking over our children’s heads that we downplay and underemphasize the richness and intelligence of our Catholic faith. #catholicmom

As always, keep your focus on Christ and the beauty of the Church that leads us closer in relationship with Him.

First who, then what. The rest will come.

Copyright 2022 Laura Radziwon
Images: Canva