Forgive. Don't Forget.

Gilda Rose Kalathil examines what the Bible teaches about forgiveness, revenge, trust, and love.

We say in the Lord’s prayer, “Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.” We are confessing every time that we understand we will be forgiven only to the extent we forgive others. When Peter asked Jesus about how many times to forgive his brother, Jesus answered, “I say to you, not seven times but seventy-seven times” (Matthew 18:22). In other words, as many times as required. 

We know that forgiveness is not merely a letting go. It is the gift of releasing someone we were holding onto with anger, resentment, or bitterness. True forgiveness frees us to bless them and pray for them. It allows us to look at them with compassion and understanding. But it does not ask us to be doormats. 

Forgive and Forget?

“Forgive and forget” has become a popular adage. Thankfully, it is not Biblical. Jesus told His disciples: "Behold, I am sending you like sheep in the midst of wolves; so be shrewd as serpents and simple as doves” (Matthew 10:16). To forgive does not mean to be foolish. We are called to forgive whether or not we are able to forget. In some cases, it is important that we do not forget the harm done to us. 

Forgiveness does not mean forgetting what the other person did. It only means that we do not wish them ill or take on the role of seeking revenge. We are warned, “The vengeful will face the Lord’s vengeance, for he keeps strict account of their sins” (Sirach 28:1). The consequence of their actions is for God to take care of, if at all. We are reminded, "Vengeance is mine and recompense, for the time they lose their footing; Because the day of their disaster is at hand, and their doom is rushing upon them!” (Deuteronomy 32:35)

Forgive and Trust?

Forgiveness does not equal trust. This is a common misunderstanding. “The naive believe everything, but the shrewd watch their steps” (Proverbs 14:15). Forgiveness does not mean starting from a clean page in a way that negates what someone has done. It is in no way intended to trivialise what has happened or its impact. 

Forgiveness is creating space for joy and moving forward instead of being chained in the past. We are not called to unconditionally trust that person again. We have permission to take our time if they wish to earn back our trust without feeling guilty, obliged, or rushed. 

In some cases, taking legal action may be an essential act of love. In certain situations, for the good of the other person, a legal action is required. It acts as a way to keep that person accountable and prevent others from getting hurt in similar ways. It is not done with the intention of hurting them back.

Love and Healthy Boundaries 

God loves you with an everlasting love. He does not wish harm on you from anyone. He wants you to live a life of respect, dignity, and wholeness. As you choose forgiveness, also ask the Lord’s wisdom to draw healthy boundaries. In love, how can you protect yourself from further harm? How do you ensure that you do not put yourself in the position of getting hurt or abused? What do you need to do differently to break a pattern that makes you feel resentful? How should you learn to respond to a situation in a respectful manner? Is it better for your spiritual health to maintain distance — physically or emotionally? 

Take these reflections to prayer and let the Lord guide you.

Let us pray:

Abba, Father. I thank You for the gift of forgiveness. I pray for the grace of forgiving those who have hurt me. I remember especially the one person who has hurt me so much and I find it hard to forgive. Help me. I pray for blessing on every aspect of their lives. Grant me also, Lord, the wisdom to respond to situations when I am called to forgive. Teach me what You would find pleasing for me to do. Amen.

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Copyright 2026 Gilda Rose Kalathil
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