Free Yourself From Overthinking

Patti Armstrong cautions against the tendency to become preoccupied with insignificant things.

While getting ready for a dance during a freshman college orientation weekend, I received an insight that is with me still.

After a day of touring the campus and listening to speakers, my assigned roommate and I got ready for the dance. She pulled out a collection of button earrings. “How do these look?” she asked, showing me a couple of brightly colored earrings.

“Nice” I replied. She looked in the mirror and then tried on another pair.

“How about these?” she asked.

I glanced over at another different color of button earrings. “Those look good too,” I told her.

“Do you think these look better?” my roommate asked with yet another pair of earrings in.

“They all look nice, just wear whichever ones you like best,” I suggested.

“How about these?” she asked, still not satisfied.

I looked over at her collection of earrings. There was nothing remarkable about any of them—all small round button earrings in different colors and designs. As she continued to ponder her earrings for the evening, it crossed my mind that at the end of the dance, if every single person was asked which earrings she wore, there likely would not be one person who would remember. Not even for a $1 million prize for the right answer.

null

Don’t Let the Small Stuff Matter

That moment set the pace for how I approach decisions, helping me not to spend time worrying about things that do not really matter. Our soul matters. Sin matters. Doing good deeds, loving others, going to Mass, taking care of our family …. many things matter. And many things do not.

As a little girl, I was upset about something that must have been trivial, and my mother asked me, “Will it matter in 100 years from now?” It was her way for trying to get me to see the end game and not to sweat the small stuff. It later meshed with my button-earring insight so that I use for perspective. Will anyone really care or remember when all is said and done? I often asked myself. 

For instance, my friend Theresa and I planned an annual Simple Women’s Lenten Retreat for thirteen years. One year, as we shopped together for supplies at the discount warehouse store, we were disappointed that there were no paper plates with flowers on them. The previous years we had found plates with bright, pretty flowers. There were only plain white plates with a blue trim around the edge. Theresa expressed disappointment. That’s when I shared the earring story with her. Then I commented, “Theresa, I bet if we ask if anyone can remember what the plates looked like last year, there will not be one person who will remember.”

During the retreat with around 300 women, we asked just that question. No one could remember even though we offered a prize to anyone who could. The fact that Theresa and I were so happy with our pretty plates and yet no one remembered it the following year, proved my point. We often spend too much time worrying about insignificant things.

null

Unto Dust

It is that thought that makes Ash Wednesday so special to me: You are dust and unto dust you shall return. It’s a reminder not to be too focused on the things that will one day turn to dust. I can’t say that I have totally risen above worldly concerns in place of purely heavenly ones, but as my children have grown and left home, it has brought me back to the basics of what is most important—the spiritual things. I pray for their souls and spiritual lives which matters most.

I also am attracted to friends who share my goal to not get too caught up in the things of this world but rather to place our hearts on everlasting treasures. It’s good company to keep so we can help each other to stay focused on God and the things He cares about.

I try to live with the realization that before too long, our lives will pass away and all will be dust except for the spiritual. Depressing? No. Accepting reality rather than denying it has refreshing aspects. It means that when tempted to worry about some trivial matter, we can stop and ask if it is really going to matter in the end. At the end of my life, will it matter?

Click to tweet:
We often spend too much time worrying about insignificant things. #CatholicMom

Not sweating the small stuff, however, is not contrary to still taking pleasure in the simple things of life. Instead, it frees you up for the peace and joy that comes from not stressing over other things.

Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it is thinking of yourself less. Be confident enough in your own awesomeness that you don't think twice about creating opportunities for others: there are enough to go around.

null