God’s Plans or My Plans? Looking Into Our Children’s Futures

Allison Auth considers what ideals we might have for our children, and how to be flexible and curious enough to see what God might be doing.

I started to take my faith seriously when I joined a prayer group in high school. Until that point, I hadn’t found anything that I was good at (except test-taking). I couldn’t claim any substantial skill in any sports, arts, Girl Scouts, or music. And then I discovered what I enjoyed and felt I was actually good at: sharing the faith, giving talks, leading small groups, and dare I say even doing hand motions?

I remember one spring when a few people in our prayer group were going to drive to the state capitol to testify at a bill hearing regarding abstinence education in school programming. It was going to be held during a school day, and I really wanted to go. I asked my parents and they said no. They thought I only wanted to go to get out of going to school.

That was a bonus, for sure, but as a straight-A student I knew taking the day off to go to the capitol wouldn’t hurt my grade. On the contrary, I thought going to the Capitol would be a far more educational experience than anything I could learn from a textbook that day. And I would get to be with my friends from my youth group! And I would be a witness for my faith!

Still, my parents said no. I was angry and I cried. I felt that they didn’t understand my motives or my genuine desire to be a part of change for the good. But something in me, the Holy Spirit, told me to submit. So I told my parents I would respect their decision and not push going any more.

Later that night, they came to my room and told me I could go. They thought I had demonstrated virtue in obedience and decided I was mature enough to make the trip after all. So I went — and I testified.

Truthfully, I don’t think anything came of that bill regarding abstinence education. But I’ve been thinking about that moment a lot as I navigate parenting my own teenagers. It would be so easy (and convenient!) to force them to submit to my will; to have expectations for them that I require them to meet. But am I willing to change my mind or ask what God has in store for them?

My Ideals or God’s?

Parents have ideals for their children. We want them to get good grades, to be smart and wise, to make moral choices, to be kind to others, to do their chores cheerfully around the house, to be athletic, well-rounded, and not socially awkward.

Only, I wasn’t like that as a teenager and I’m not sure any teens meet that ideal. I think back to that moment where my parents changed their mind, put aside the academics for a day, and saw something deeper in me. That happened again in college when I changed my major from Communications to Catechetics, straying from the ideas my parents had for me. And yet they went along with it, and God has done great things through these changes in my life.

Every parent has to ask: Are my desires for my children the same as God’s desires for them? Are my ideals also God’s?

Maybe you discover your child is good at baseball, so you push them to work hard and be the star of the team, for you were never good at sports. Or maybe you weren’t good at math, so you steer your child to the higher math classes because they show ability, but they hate it. Or maybe you loved reading as a kid and think if you just force your teen to read more, they will end up loving it as much as you did. But did you stop at any point and consider what God might be doing in their lives? They might have dyslexia and may never love reading, but have the creative mind to be an entrepreneur instead.

Our children are unique individuals created to highlight some aspect of the greatness of God and His plan for us. We each have different gifts to benefit the whole body, and it is no different with our kids. I think of saints like John Vianney or Joseph of Cupertino, who struggled with school but shone in prayer or in the confessional. Saint Augustine had a brilliant mind, but his pride had to be tamed through trial and error before he found his path. Josephine Bakhita and Julia Greeley were born into slavery and beaten cruelly, but still found mercy for fellow human beings through their deep love of God. None of them fit the mold of the ideal path I have for my kids.

The Need for Humility and Curiosity

In a posture of humility, I must not think I have my children’s life figured out, and that if I just set up the perfect rules then I will get the desired outcome. God is far more creative and powerful than that. I must get curious to say, “What is God doing in the life of my child? What might be God’s bigger picture? How can I participate instead of getting in the way?”

I heard in a homily once that God’s word is a lamp unto our feet (Psalm 119:105) and not a high beam down the highway. I don’t get to see the end of the story yet. If I gain the trust of my teen to enter into their inner world, I can get a glimpse of what God is doing, and help guide them in the path they should go. The path will likely be different than my own, but that’s something to rejoice in, as they discover who God made them to be.

Now, that doesn’t mean teenagers always know what they want, will let us in, or follow God’s way. We still set boundaries and have rules because we know their decision-making skills are not fully formed. But I do think it means we involve them in the conversation and be more transparent about our decisions. Do we pause to discern and be flexible?

With humility, we bring our children before God and ask for Him to reveal the next step. We can get curious and delight in our children’s differences. Only then can we participate in the plan of God instead of moving forward with our own plans.

Do our desires align with God’s?

Are we willing to change our mind, like my parents did, when we feel the nudge or see a sign of maturity? Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you in the moment, and He will give you the wisdom to see.

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Copyright 2026 Allison Auth
Images: Canva