Grieving by Example: Feeling the Emotions of Grief

Johanna Stamps shares the heartache of walking through grief with young children and offers an example of how to talk with kids about grief.

My little one and I had just been watching a sweet animated movie, and there was a scene where the main characters were saying goodbye. Instantly, I saw my child’s shoulders lower, and he keeled over like he had just had a soccer ball kicked into his stomach. The tears welled up and then just kept flowing down his little cheeks.  

We paused the film for a moment.  

I needed to gather my own thoughts: 

What is happening here? This isn’t one of those irresponsibly placed moments in a kids' movie when you’re reminded the producers are very out of touch with children’s development. This is a real emotion coming from a deep place.  

And this is what I learned. 

Noticing the Realities of Loss 

Let me give you a bit of context here. Our household is a place of grieving. This doesn’t mean our home is sad or depressing — far from it. Our home is joyful and lively. And yet, we are living among losses, and we are aware of them. They’re recent, present, and future. This is the reality of living in a sandwich generation home while I care for my ailing parents. We live in the realities — in the finite.  

Living in the shadow of life’s harsh realities is grieving.  

Talking about our reality and making plans to enjoy each moment is our way of grieving together. Every day of our existence right now is an exercise in anticipating and being aware of the finiteness of our existence together.  

My little one’s daddy is overseas, and they spend weeks together in the summer and winter. This does not diminish the sense of absence and the potential for sadness when they are apart. In all honesty, this moment of emotion I experienced while we were watching the film was the first time I had seen him saddened by something that was so closely related to this absence.  

When I saw this, I knew this was an opportunity to remind him of what is possible.  

I started with a simple question, “Sweet pea, do you sometimes have emotions you feel, and you don’t know what to do with them?” 

His response was a slow nod between the waves of tears.  

“You know, you can feel the emotions of sadness as they are happening.”  

His response broke my heart: “But Mommy, I don’t know how.”  

In that moment, I felt the weight of his unknowing heart — but also the weight of so many others. I felt the pain of those who have never been taught the process of feeling their emotions related to grief and loss in the moment.  

It was also a moment when I realized my example. I rarely have moments when I’m showing my own child my emotional response to a loss.  

The Process of Feeling Emotions of Grief  

So, what was the instruction I was both sharing with my little one and reminding myself in the moment?  

1. Be clear about the reality of the loss.  
2. Notice the emotion you’re feeling in response. 
3. Feel the emotion.  
4. If you’re with a safe person, speak through the emotion and tell them what your heart is feeling without interruption or a response from them.  
5. Let the physical emotion, like tears, come if they want to.  

As this happened, and as the processing took place in front of my eyes, I saw a quiet strength being born in my little boy. He didn’t have the fear of the grief in his eyes but rather a clarity.  

After the movie, we made some banana swirl and chatted a bit more about the experience.  

I told him, “Kiddo, do you know most adults don’t know what you’ve just learned?”  

His response lit the flame in my heart that I’ll carry with me the rest of the week: “They should know. This seems really important.” 

Indeed, I think he’s right.  

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Copyright 2025 Johanna Stamps
Images: Canva