Holy Detachment: Loving Generously While Holding Loosely

Holly Dodd describes how we can look to Mary as an example of holy detachment in times of transition and loss. 

Summer can be a time of transition. Couples are getting married. Military families are saying goodbyes to duty stations and headed across the country to begin again. Graduates are preparing to embark on the next journey. Priests are moving, leaving their beloved parishioners in one parish to take on the shepherding of a new community. Summer is full of adventure and new opportunities, but joy mixes with sadness because, with those new opportunities, we must sometimes leave things behind. Though we may anticipate the new adventure to come with joyful anticipation, the reality remains that goodbyes can be hard.   

The Greater the Love, The Greater the Loss  

When we leave a beautiful season of life, a loving community, or someone who is dear to us, we are left with a hole in our hearts. We realize the truth in what C.S. Lewis wrote:   

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one. (The Four Loves) 

In sum, the greater the love, the greater the loss; but to do the will of God, we must embrace the gifts He gives and love the people He places before us, despite the risk. We must find a way to wholly love what God has given us for a time and then let go when that time has passed. We must have a sense of holy detachment from God’s gifts in our lives.  

Mary’s Holy Detachment  

Mary gives us the greatest example of holy detachment. Mary was all in for God. She gave the ultimate yes when Gabriel came to her at the Annunciation, and she began loving immediately. She must have taken pause at Simeon’s prophetic message at the Presentation in the Temple, but she kept going in faith, falling more deeply in love with her son, more deeply in love with God Himself, every day.   

She may have seen the writing on the wall, but how could she have prepared her heart for losing Him? Her love kept growing. Eventually she found herself standing with Him at Calvary, at the foot of the cross, and she looked on with love as He took His last breath. She grieved Him, indeed, but with faith, hope, and holy detachment she took the next step at that same time; she moved from the cross toward the next adventure.

His disciples needed her guidance as they awaited the descent of the Holy Spirit. First she was the Mother of our Lord, and then, while still grieving the loss of her Son, she became the Mother of the Church. What a grand new adventure! With holy detachment she could hold the sorrow and joy in her heart concurrently, neither diminishing the other.   

Loving and Letting Go   

There is a paradox found in being able to be “all in” for God’s will but to hold His gifts loosely at the same time. Our Catholic faith is pull of paradoxes. Mary had sorrow and joy at the same time. She recognized her belovedness and delighted in God’s gifts, even when they might be later taken away. She loved without fear of losing.

You, too, can take comfort in your belovedness and God’s care for you. You can learn from Mary to hold God’s gifts loosely, with holy detachment. Say yes to God’s will, despite the risk of loss. Love generously, even while grieving what once was. Go all in as you embark on your next adventure. Hold God’s gifts lovingly, but hold them loosely, and rejoice confidently with Mary:

“The Mighty One has done great things for me, and holy is his name.” (Luke 1:49) 

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Copyright 2025 Holly Dodd
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