How Mary Processed Fear, and How You Can Too

Johanna Stamps walks us through an approach for processing our fears and ties it to an example of Our Lady.  

Thank you to the ladies of Mourning Glory Podcast and fellow Catholic Mom contributors who gave me the amazing honor of discussing this concept recently. Your heartfelt stories and insights helped me to see there is something special brewing here and how it relates to Our Lady.  

Recently, I felt compelled to sit with this question: ”How can we dismantle fear or even sidestep it completely?”  

What does fear look and feel like? Most of the time, fear is not just a feeling but also a thought. Perhaps, like me, your fear looks like this (below), swirling around inside my head and going nowhere.  

This fear can be like torture. It’s why we create distractions and have a hard time sleeping.   

It can sound like, “If only this would have been different/better.”  

How Do I Live with Constant Fear? 

Recently, I found myself with one of these types of thoughts. Like a lot of mothers today, I had been in near-constant fear of my child’s safety. I know, from my own childhood, that in those very brief moments of turning our eyes away from our child, their life can be forever altered by trauma.   

How do I live with this fear?   

The unexpected answer was: "I don’t!"  

For years, I’ve sat with people, observed the blockage or a set way of thinking, then seen them make a 180-degree about-turn and see things from a new perspective.  

When I sat down to write about how this happens, a tool started to emerge. As I chatted with the Mourning Glory ladies, we went deeper. How did Our Lady approach the fear in her heart when visited by Gabriel and how does this inform our approach to fear?  

I spent a lot of time looking at the account of the Annunciation (Luke 1:26-37).

When we begin to unravel and separate the swirling thought, it looks like this: 

If we look at Mary, she was “perplexed” and needed to go on her own journey of processing fear. She heard Gabriel but she also gave the experience and thought of fear a voice. She was curious and asked the difficult questions and she took action with her fiat.  

Unprocessed fears need completion, and there are at least five ways or steps to do this.  

Taking Steps to Handle Unprocessed Fears 

First and foremost, the thoughts need to get out. In the conversations I have been having with those who were impacted by the LA fires, the real benefit is simply having a space to get out the complete thought and some feelings.   

When I processed my fear about my son’s safety, the thought came out like this: “I fear my son won't know what to do, or feel powerless, if someone were to try and do something to harm him.”   

When that was clear, I suddenly realized that I have no reason keeping this to myself! I could speak directly to him.   

The most powerful part of the process is being fully heard by someone. There is something really beautiful about being a witness to someone’s thoughts, feelings, and pain. It’s like holding a basket and being able to collect them one by one, treating each thought with love and respect like a ripe, tender, peach from the tree.   

We need spaces to discuss our fears, hear each other, and connect.  

Applying Curiosity , Asking Questions, and Taking Action

The next two steps are combined after the thought is initially processed.   

Applying curiosity means looking at the thought like an outsider. At this point, it has, most likely, lost most of its power, and you can look at the fearful thought and ask it questions. I got the opportunity to do this with my little one. I got to tell him about some relatively benign circumstances and pick the situation apart with him.   

We got to ask questions like, “What about this type of scenario would make you feel powerless?” and “What feeling might you have that would keep you from telling me about the situation?”   

Can you feel the sigh of relief in my mother’s heart at this point?   

The initial swirling fear was like a constant headache, and now, here I was, brainstorming plans with my five-year-old son. Both of us felt empowered!   

So how can we be sure this process sticks? We take action!   

My son and I have gotten the opportunity to put these ideas into action, practice saying, “No!” and voicing where we want our boundaries to be.  

And we don’t walk these paths alone. We walk in the footsteps of Mary and ponder her beautiful response to fear and opportunity.  

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Copyright 2025 Johanna Stamps
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