I'm Not Me Without Jesus

Cait Winters writes about why keeping faith central in a busy life is essential.

And whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (Colossians 3:17)

It really was an accident. I never intended to take so much on. Yet, here I am, suddenly doing everything full-time. I read a post the other day that describes my situation perfectly. It said, “I, myself, am understaffed right now!" After welcoming our newest baby in April, I decided to go back to school to earn a degree in early childhood education.

I registered with my faith igniting the passion to learn about, educate and advocate for children, fueling my desire to succeed. In that spirit, I took on a full class load. I knew it would be an adjustment, especially from the dreamy, slow post-partum summer we enjoyed. Homeschooling three of my children while also studying for a degree would be a new angle, but knew I could make it work.

Taking on too much

Before the fall semester began, I received a phone call from a close friend in a bind asking if I was able to watch her child while she works. I couldn't say no to extra money for our family, and later took on another child one day a week. I cleared out the dining room, creating a school/playroom and centralizing everything we all need to learn, play and pray throughout the day.

Soon, the school year started for all of us and so did my new gig. I struggled more than I anticipated with the added time crunch of extracurriculars and catechism in the afternoons, which I had failed to consider.

That week we had two mandatory games to attend, both Saturday and Sunday morning. The only time we were able to make it all work was to go to the Saturday vigil Mass. Because I had so much going on and it was out of our norm, I was busy cooking dinner while Mass was happening. By the time I realized, it was too late.

I felt awful but still went to the game on Sunday morning, hoping fully to catch the last Mass of the weekend at 7PM that evening. By the time we got home we were all exhausted. I lay down to feed our baby and before I knew it we were all fast asleep, causing us to miss Mass for a second time in as many weeks.

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Making Jesus the priority

That whole week that followed, I was drained. I carried a gray cloud about me, deeply regretting not dropping everything for Mass instead. The weekend ahead was more of the same, two early games with an away game on Sunday. My husband could see that I was worn down. My inner condition, usually so in sync with the Lord, had become polluted by so much anxiety. He suggested we stay home from Sunday's game, and I agreed.

I went to Confession citing my need to choose Jesus over everything, repenting of my bad example to my children. When Sunday came, I explained to them that I apologized to Jesus, who should always come first. Depriving a child of a game is far less detrimental than depriving them of God and His grace. They didn't mind slowing down at all and surely needed it as much as anyone.

When we finally arrived at Mass, I tried to stay present, taking in the experience of worship; the smell of the incense, the singing and most especially, Jesus beckoning me from the tabernacle.

He was there, in the center of the Church, waiting for us all this time. Though I had forgotten about Him in my haze, even if just momentarily, He never once stopped showing up for me. Ever faithful, Jesus Christ is our King, and I vowed then and there to keep Him always our top priority.