I'm Still a Catholic Mom

Pam Spano recognizes that she's still mothering her children through their adulthood, and still learning along the way.

I'm still mothering my adult kids

Last month I wrote an article here on CatholicMom.com about my life as a senior mom.  

After the article was published, my daughter and I had a conversation about my role in her life. “You’re still a Catholic mom and you’re still mothering us,” was the concise version of our conversation. But as we went deeper into that train of thought, I realized my role was more complex than I had originally thought.  

As my children grew into adults, I truly felt that they had to make their own mistakes. I also learned that if I adamantly shoved my advice and opinions down their throats, I was pretty sure they would do the opposite just to prove me wrong. I saw it happen with other families. So I took a deep breath and kept my mouth shut unless my advice or opinion was requested. 

My one son would beg to differ with that approach. He had told me a long time ago that he wished I had interfered. Ouch. That definitely stung. Through the intercession of Saint Monica, we were both healed.  

My daughter brought to my attention that I often point her in the right direction when she asks. Whether it’s about saints or prayers, I have guided her towards the answers she needs. This was something I hadn’t thought about before. I took it for granted that my frantic search for a saint or prayer to help her meant that much to her. I was just relieved to be able to provide her with information that would lead her to the answers she sought. My thought process was, “Oh, good! That helped her! Whew!”  

We also talked about the difficult times in her life when I would offer encouraging and hopeful words that helped her cope. 

Facing my fears about being a mother

Since my own mother was not a good mother, I was terrified that I would be like her. My fear was that I would become what I learned.  

Having two sons first made me complacent about that fear. I enjoyed my sons while they were growing up. When I was pregnant for the third time, I learned I was having a girl. The fear came back, and I had to get to work. That meant daily prayer and begging the Blessed Mother and all the saints to come to my aid. The phrase, “Sometimes when I open my mouth my mother comes out” is not funny to me. It’s terrifying. 

The blessing that grew out of my pain

The other day I was utterly flabbergasted at my daughter’s post on Facebook:  

Dear Mom, my greatest friend,  

I admire you. Whenever life has given me a roadblock, you gave me hope. You instilled hope in me. I’m grateful you taught me that. You’ve been my rock, my comforter, my supporter, my guide. You truly help me navigate life with our faith. I admire how you yearn to learn more about God and every resource He has given us. And you teach me the things you’ve learned.

Thank you for your wisdom, your love, your thoughtfulness. I aspire to be anything close to what you’ve been to this world. A true light of joy and love. You are my travel pal, my jewelry connoisseur, my ear to explain my thoughts, my hug to comfort me, my friend to laugh with, my smile to cheers with.

You are my mom. You are my heart. Thank you for giving me the gift of life. And hope. Hope knowing God has better plans, and not to worry about tomorrow. Thank you, Mom.  

I couldn’t even comment. I often wondered if I had been a good mother. This was the blessing that grew out of the pain I lived with as a child and endured into adulthood.  

My favorite prayer for mothers 

I offer you this prayer for your motherhood, which I found on a prayer card:  

Dear God, 
This prayer is very old. 
You hear it every day 
From lips of mothers everywhere 
In all the tongues that pray.  

Behold these children round my knee 
Whose steps do falter still, 
Unhurt by fears or sorrows yet, 
Untouched by hatred’s chill.  

How well you know what’s in my mind, 
And what I’m going to ask. 
It’s just that You will guide my hand 
In my momentous task. 

I feel so very awed within 
At what I have to do. 
To help them be the kind of folk 
Who, too, will turn to You. (Margaret Rorke)

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Copyright 2024 Pam Spano
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