In the World But Not of the World

Christine Hanus explores the need to protect our children’s innocence while teaching them to live with confidence in a wounded world.  

Some time ago, our oldest son entered a rural public school as a junior after many years of Catholic education. As I looked over his syllabus for English class, I noticed my son would be required to read a book I found highly objectionable. Having received an English Literature degree in college, I understand the value of literature that can introduce difficult themes, but this particular novel, with its pornographic situations and warped religious ideas, made me sick to my stomach.  

None of the other parents in the school had a problem with the book, and when my husband and I showed up at a school board meeting to discuss the situation, it was scary and nerve-wracking. We blundered through our prepared comments and walked away feeling foolish and provincial. Not fun! Our son had joined us in defending our position but had felt just as embarrassed as we did. The book stayed on the syllabus, and our son dropped that advanced class to take a more general English class. Years later I still wonder how we could have handled it differently. 

Finding the right balance 

When it comes to preserving our children’s innocence, it can be hard to know what to do in a given situation. Swing one way in this laudable quest, and we may end up with kids who are deeply confused about how to live in the world. Unable to reconcile our beliefs with what they see in the wider community, they may reject those beliefs outright or learn to fear a world which belittles their deepest convictions. Swing the other way, exposing our youngsters’ minds to too much too soon, and they may not develop a strong understanding of what is right and wrong. They may fail to personally encounter the beauty of the Christian worldview.  

We need to find a balance of preserving our children's innocence and allowing them to come to a knowledge of the harsh realities of life as they mature mentally, emotionally, and physically.   

In our current culture, some parents have given up trying to protect their children. Regarding dangerous or uncertain moral situations, I have heard good people say things like, "There is just no avoiding it." As though allowing your son to look at porn on the internet or your daughter to imitate a pop singer known for immodest dress are all just part of growing up.   

Preserving their innocence does not happen accidentally. It involves planning, sacrifice, and perhaps ridicule from others.  

And as they grow, we need to help our children navigate the world they live in and allow them to make mistakes. As we teach them to learn to love authentically, grow in virtue, and to reason well, we will suffer with them as they gradually realize how sinful and imperfect all human beings are (even their own parents). Through this process we can demonstrate to them the saving power of the gospel which allows us to thrive in a world that has not yet been fully redeemed. 

As a parent of grown children, I am aware that I haven't always struck this balance. Nevertheless, God is merciful and when our oldest son was in college, he told me that because of the way that he was raised, he had a clear picture of how good and beautiful life could be. He would never be able to deny that the Catholic worldview made sense of life or be able to make poor choices without knowing that they would cause him and others great harm. God be praised! I guess the awkward high school English class debacle didn’t scar him too badly! 

Divine Assistance 

Raising children is a serious responsibility, but it comes with the promise of divine assistance. For our part, we need to seek to grow in our own prayer lives and in virtue, and then to seek God's wisdom daily. Without Him, we will fail.  

Jesus understood the dilemma of parents. At the Last Supper, He prayed that His apostles would be in the world, but not of the world. It is a prayer similar to what Christian parents might ask of our Heavenly Father: 

“I do not ask that you take them out of the world but that you keep them from the evil one. They do not belong to the world any more than I belong to the world. Consecrate them in the truth. Your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, so I sent them into the world.” (John 17:15-18) 

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Copyright 2024 Christine Hanus
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