Introvert Moms: It's Normal to Need Solitude

Do you struggle with guilt over needing solitude? Denise Jelinek encourages you to embrace your introversion and thrive in your roles as a mom and wife.

Do you struggle with judging yourself and feeling guilty about wanting or desperately needing time to yourself? 

Me too. 

My desire and need for solitude is greater than my husband’s. However, it also seems higher than other people I know (or maybe no one else is talking about it) which left me feeling different and out of place.   

Why did life feel so hard? Why was I feeling so depleted by the normal activities of life? Why did it seem like I was running away from spending time with the people, including the very people I desired to have the closest relationships with (my husband and sons).  

And then I learned I am introverted. This was a game changer and set me on a journey to embrace (rather than question) how God made me. I now see how being introverted is necessary for me to accomplish the mission that God has created me for in His Kingdom.   

Embracing that truth is one thing. Knowing how to steward my energy to meet the demands of life in the roles God has graced me with, specifically as a mom, wife, and business owner, is a whole other thing.   

Here are helpful nuggets of understanding and tips I have learned: 

Solitude is essential, not optional 

According to Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking, introverts prefer quiet, more minimally stimulating environments. As such, the brain and body of a person who is introverted requires a healthy dose of solitude to be filled and optimal, just like humans need air, water, and food.  

I love this! If you are an introverted mom, then you know you won’t die without solitude, but you are certainly NOT optimal. This affects all our relationships and ability to calmly handle the demands of our vocation. 

Know your “Depletion Signs” 

Once you are clear on your specific signs of depletion, you can pursue solitude knowing it’s the best medicine to refill you. 

My signs of depletion are: 

• being more easily offended, 
• feeling more emotional and weepy, 
• being annoyed by others’ presence or their wanting my attention or time, and
• ‌a feeling of wanting to run and hide. 

Prevent burnout by protecting your energy 

Knowing that introverts are more sensitive to ALL stimulation, you can: 

Minimize unnecessary sounds.

I used to listen to podcasts during most mindless tasks. Now I do these tasks in quiet, and this replenishes my energy and allows my brain to feel at peace.  

Minimize visual clutter.

Clear spaces calm the human brain. If you keep piles of paper you need to address, then create a system to house the papers and schedule weekly or monthly time to tend to them. You could put all the papers in a bin and schedule one or two hours to go through it once or twice a month. 

Get clear on the demands of THIS season 

In some seasons of life, one area of life may be more prominent. For example, your child may be “in season” for their sport, you may be planning a family event or vacation, or you may be remodeling your home.  

No matter what the season: 

• Be clear on what is necessary and remove the rest.
• Schedule regular time for solitude. 

Discern invitations 

Discern which invitations to accept. If spending time with others (and social engagements) depletes your energy, have a hierarchy of who gets your time. 

I prioritize my husband first, then my sons (and their activities), followed by the professional work God has called me to (my clients), then my close friend (notice singular), our extended family (parents and siblings) and finally, everyone else.   

I don’t accept invitations out of obligation or without careful consideration to its rank of importance, recognizing that all human interactions use energy that could be allocated to a relationship I value more. 

Authentically recharge … without guilt 

Scheduling regular times of solitude is nourishing to the introvert’s brain and body and is just as important as our other vital needs of water, food, and air to live optimally.   

Authentically recharging will require experimenting to find what truly recharges you. Try to create less stimulation during this time. Likely, you will not feel recharged after watching TV, scrolling on social media, or online shopping.   

Walks in nature, putzing around your house, journaling, sketching, or coloring may refill your introvert tank more. Adoration, prayer, reading, daydreaming or even tidying, organizing, or decluttering at a leisurely pace may fit the bill, too. 

Being an introvert is perfect for the vocation God has called you to.  Stewarding your energy to thrive and function optimally is very possible once you learn about and intentionally live in a way that works with the way you were created to glorify HIM! 

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Copyright 2024 Denise Jelinek
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