Is Your To-Do List Helping ... or Hurting?

Rachel Watkins takes a reflective look on whether to-do lists are helpful for moms with busy families.

Where are you in life? Do you feel as if every day runs through your hands like water? You went to bed with so many good plans for tomorrow. You planned a great meal; the laundry would be not only done but folded and put away! You were going to be showered, accomplished, and proud.   

But so often you are none of those things, and none of what you planned happened. What happened? Your children happened, no matter how many you have. Those dependent on you for most, if not all, of their needs happened. Your spouse happened. Life happened. If you are this mom, and aren’t we all, an actual to-do list can be part of the problem.  

Don't Blame Anyone When Things Don't get Done 

Throughout those years of my life, I used to blame myself and the lack of a good schedule when my list was unfinished — and it was often unfinished. "If only I found a better planner, read a different book, or found a better system, my days would be more accomplished," I would think. I tried timers, tomatoes (in the form of the Pomodoro technique) and time-block methods, but I still went to bed feeling less than because I seemingly did less.  

If I wasn’t blaming myself, I was blaming my kids. Didn’t they know all I had to get done? No, they didn’t know about my plans, as they were only thinking of their needs. And that is exactly how it is supposed to be. They needed me for most, if not all, their needs to be met.   

It took me awhile to embrace and understand that the best to-do list really needs only two items. Spend time with God, whatever that might look like, and take care of the most vulnerable one in the house. Diaper days look much different than school days, while teenager days are different still. And if you have all three? I know these days are uniquely challenging.   

Rather than a to-do list ahead of your day maybe you want to move to an “I Got It Done List” at the end of the day. Avoid the pressure of what has to be done and be proud of finishing off a day where everyone was fed, the house is still standing and everyone still loves each other and God. Those days are real wins and worthy of praise and recognition.  

Prioritizing People Over Things 

In other words, while a clean house is important, getting there should never overshadow those who live in the house. People matter; things don’t. Be attuned to the child who needs your attention most. A troubled teenager jumps to the top of the list over the happy 8-year-old content to play with LEGO and capable of making their own lunch. A colicky newborn might need to be held all day while the older ones enjoy Mom reading another book and Dad bringing pizza for dinner.   

And what about Mom? I had to recognize that sometimes I was the most vulnerable. A less than patient mom is allowed to ignore all chores to take the kids to the local park and just watch them play. Her battery is being restored, knowing that frozen chicken nuggets are waiting for dinner. The same is true for dads. Is time ever ‘wasted’ when spent with the family?  

In other words, it is important to get to a place where having goals for a day is one thing and letting those goals run over the needs of those we love is another. Your days, no matter how unproductive they may seem to the world, are often exactly as God wants. Feeling as if I had to have a to-do list put a pressure on me that God never asked of me. However, taking a look back on my day and giving thanks to God for all I did accomplish and how my family was doing helped me realize who really was in charge. 

Looking back, I wish I had been kinder to myself and my husband in regard to the unnecessary and false pressure a to-do list brought us. Keeping track of your days is important to ensure appointments are kept and pressing needs are met, but the laundry and the weeds will be there tomorrow. At the end of the day, it is how we loved God and treated each other over what we accomplished that truly matters. 

Share your thoughts with the Catholic Mom community! You'll find the comment box below the author's bio and list of recommended articles.

Copyright 2025 Rachel Watkins
Images: Canva