It Is In Receiving That We Give

Helen Syski observes that if no one receives, no one can give; receiving is as essential for holiness as giving.  

I gathered what I could of my pregnant self and rolled off the couch, I thanked my friend profusely for driving my son home from school and bringing an unasked-for meal. Her response was simple.

“No one ever asks for help; I knew if you were asking, it must be really bad.”

I was so grateful for her generous response, and for the generous responses of all my friends as I suffered through that pregnancy. Without them, my oldest would not have gotten to or from school, and my family would not have been able to eat. I struggled with my inability to do anything. A few months postpartum, when I could sit up and think again, I plunged into John Paul II’s Salvifici Doloris, his letter on suffering.

Suffering Unleashes Love

Saint John Paul II tells us that suffering is “present in order to unleash love in the human person, that unselfish gift of one's ‘I’” (Salvifici Doloris 29). In fact, we “owe” our compassion and love to suffering. Without suffering in the world there is little to turn our hearts and teach us to be a gift. The most compassionate people I know are the ones who have suffered the most and made good of it.

"'Come, O blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink … Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brethren, you did for me.'” (Matthew 25:34-35,40)

Jesus tells us, “You did for me.” Saint John Paul II reminds us that as one who is suffering, our role is intimately linked to Christ and the redemption of human souls. This is not only through linking our suffering with Jesus, but also because someone must be hungry, and thirsty, and naked if others will feed, give drink and clothe another.

If you do not share your hunger, your thirst, your nakedness, how will others’ love be unleashed? How will they learn to turn their gaze from themselves to others and on toward Christ?

Yoked: What Community Is All About

Giving and receiving must be yoked, for either to bear fruit. It is in this yoking that community is born. When I think about those whom I know well, there is a simple theme. They are the people who have noticed I’m down and offered a shoulder to cry on and a playdate for my kids. They are the people whose counters I’ve wiped and families I’ve fed. I was at a talk by Meg Meeker many years ago, and I always remember her saying, “We all need our peanut butter and jelly friends — the ones who will clean up all that peanut butter and jelly our kids have smeared on the chairs and floor.”

If you are going through difficult times right now, open yourself to others. Let your friends be true friends, and give them the gift of being able to give! You will get your turn in the giving seat, and they will be all the more ready to receive from you when they have given in their turn.

This Lent as you think about almsgiving, think also of alms-receiving. Allow yourself to be Christ for others in receiving their aid and mercy, so that when they meet Him Face to face, they will hear Him say, “You did to Me.”

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Copyright 2026 Helen Syski
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