It Wasn't About Me

During an evening in Adoration, Jen Scheuermann realizes she needs to change her focus.

I picked up my buzzing phone to read my incoming text: “We’re having pop-up Adoration at church this evening. You should come! Dim lights, a spotlight on Jesus, incense, worship music … I hope you can make it!”

I had seen this advertised in the church bulletin and was already planning to attend, but as I read my friend’s description, my heart quickened. I already spend an hour in the quiet Adoration Chapel once a week, but this sounded beautiful. And since some pieces of my life don’t feel very beautiful right now, I quickly began counting down the hours until I would arrive. I longed for the peace I knew would meet me inside the church. This would be a time for me to open my heart and bring each painful moment of my recent days to Jesus. I wanted to be held by Him. Consoled by Him. Loved by Him.

Several hours later I finally opened the church door and stepped inside. Pausing to take a slow deep breath, I was greeted by the faint scent of incense and burning candles. Looking around I saw the church was exactly as my friend had described. And on the center of the altar a single spotlight shone on Jesus. He was held in a monstrance, His Body hidden within the Blessed Sacrament, yet on display for all to see. 

I knelt down in the pew and closed my eyes. This was perfect.

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Worship music began to play. If I’m honest, it was a little louder than I preferred. And the song selection was not quite what I would have chosen. Some other day I would have loved to listen to these songs, but they weren’t what I was hoping for that night. And as I held on to my unmet expectations a hint of disappointment flashed deep within. Then, by the grace of God, I caught myself just before my criticism and disappointment took hold of my heart. And kneeling there, listening to the too-loud music, I slowly realized the truth of the evening:

This evening of Adoration was not about my life struggles or my wounded heart. It was not about my desire for comfort and consolation. It was not about my longing to be seen and known. And it was not about my need to be held and loved. No, this evening of Adoration was not about me. It was about Him.

Yes, He wants me to know that He sees and knows me. Yes, He wants to hold and love me. Of course He wants me to bring Him my struggles and my wounded heart. And He absolutely wants to be the source of my comfort and consolation. But also, He wants me to remember one very important detail: He is God. And this evening? Well, it simply wasn’t about me. Rather, it was an opportunity for me to worship God.

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By the grace of God, I caught myself just before my criticism and disappointment took hold of my heart. #CatholicMom

As I continued staring at the altar, slowly redirecting my focus off of me and onto Him I realized the songs I was listening to highlighted God’s goodness, His faithfulness, and His power. And as I listened to the songs I hadn’t chosen a strange thing happened: My stress, my struggle, my pain, my disappointment—well, they all became a little bit smaller, naturally dwarfed as they stood adjacent to my almighty, powerful, and loving God.

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