Keeping Them Catholic: What Parents Can Do

Merridith Frediani ponders two things parents can do to keep their children close to God and the Church as they grow toward adulthood.

Last summer a couple of families invited us to dinner. We sat outside and while the children played, their parents asked a hard question: what did we do when our kids were little to keep them Catholic now that they are young adults?

Oof. I was flattered that they respect me to ask, humbled they think highly of my kids, and wordless. After a moment, I had to acknowledge the truth that raising children used to be easier. We didn’t have the cultural challenges that parents are facing today. One of my biggest worries was drugs, but society and other families backed me up on the notion that drugs are bad and should be avoided.

Parents now are dealing with smartphones, iPads, and the internet. Keeping my kids from television was hard but doable. The allure of smartphones is hard for adults to resist let alone kids and we’re only beginning to learn the long-term effects on children’s brains.

Add to that the prevalence and cultural acceptance of gender fluidity and gender dysphoria (once a little-known and rare mental illness). Compound it with the pride movement and widespread acceptance of abortion, and Catholics have gone from being persona non grata to public enemy #1. How do parents who believe Church teaching about these issues manage to instill these beliefs in their precious children? How do they teach in a way that won’t make their children run the other way, convinced their parents know nothing?

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These thoughts have been haunting me since that summer meal. I want to help them. I want to pour words of wisdom on them and make their path easier. I can’t do that.

So I pray ... and two things have bubbled to the surface of my recollection of all the things we did and did not do while raising our lovelies. If I’m asked for those two nuggets, I will say this:

Go to Mass. Every Sunday.

More often, if possible. The rule in our house was and continues to be that if you live under our roof, you must attend Sunday Mass. The graces we receive from the Eucharist cannot be overstated. Every Sunday, I was on my knees asking God for one week of patience. Give me one week, please, Jesus ... and I’ll be back next week for more. Being a stay-at-home mother to three kids made life hectic, and patience was not a virtue I was born with. God provided. In spades. In fact, people have since commented on how patient I am, and I chuckle to myself because I know it is only through God’s good grace.

I also begged Him to help me be the mother my children deserved. I was in awe of those kids. I was shocked that God trusted me to care for them. I didn’t want my human brokenness to let him or them down. I knew I couldn’t do it alone.

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Have dinner together. Every night.

Not easy but so worth it. While at the table each night we had them captive and we could have the conversations we needed to have in a natural, relaxed environment. The meal may not have started relaxed—or happy—but 99% of the time it ended that way. A full stomach cures much grouchiness.

It also encourages relationship building. I reminded them to look around the table. These were the faces of the people they would always be able to rely on. Friends come and go but family remains. We created our identity as The Fredianis at that table. We teased, laughed, and complained. As they got older we discussed ...

Nothing was taboo. We talked about managing middle- and high-school social waters, sexually transmitted diseases, and loan amortization. Was it perfect? No. But it was good. So important was the dinner that in some sports seasons we didn’t eat until 8 or 9 PM because we wanted everyone home together.

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How do we teach in a way that won’t make our children run the other way, convinced their parents know nothing? #CatholicMom

Families today are faced with a lot, but I’m convinced that if we keep God involved and we invest in our relationship with our kids, if we really get to know them and understand what makes them who they are, the stormy secular seas can be navigated. God gives each generation what it needs to thrive. I know God is blessing families now in a special and big way because of His great love for us all. We just need to humbly ask for His help and do the hard work necessary. He won’t leave us alone.

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