Learning Jesus' Love Language

Caitlan Rangel reflects with honesty and humor on learning to practice a Love Language that does not come naturally to her. 

Not My Love Language  

My husband jokes that I wouldn’t hold his hand or hug in public until we were married. I contest that this is definitively not true. But, like most jests, it does hold some truth. You see, of all the love languages, physical touch is not at the top of my list.  

You’re probably familiar with Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages: Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Gift Giving, and Physical Touch. The broad idea behind the 5 Love Languages is that we all prefer to give and receive love in certain ways. When we can learn how our partners, children, friends, and others best receive love, we can love them in those ways and foster closeness in those relationships.   

When my husband wants to simply spend time with me by going on a walk and talking as we stroll (quality time), I feel so loved by and connected with him. When he wants to give me hugs and kisses in the kitchen after a full day while I’m trying to prepare dinner, please man, give me some space!  

But, of course, love is not just about me and what I want. 

Stretching Ourselves in Love  

As I write this, my 2-year-old is sitting on my lap, directly in front of my keyboard, which is perched on my knees. From what I’ve just disclosed about myself and my love languages, you might imagine this is not what I’d prefer.   

But I enjoy it more than I used to. I can roll with it, and actually experience the giftedness of it. Where I may previously have escorted a child from my lap to sit next to me or near me, I now find myself thinking things like, He won’t do this too much longer.  

Why and how? Practice — stretching ourselves in love.    

When I know my husband feels loved by words of affirmation, even though they are not natural to me, I stretch myself and say, “You look handsome today, love.”  

When I know my 8-year-old daughter feels loved by physical touch, even though it does not come with total ease, I can spend a few extra moments at night smooshing my face against hers (yes, she really loves physical touch) and giving her kisses on her face.  

And little by little, the love languages we do not prefer become habits, and even become part of us, because we have practiced them daily for those we love. 

Jesus’ Touch  

Loving is not about our benefit, how good a person we are, or being praised. (The Litany of Humility is a beautiful prayer when I need a course correction in this regard.)  

Loving, ultimately, is about being a reflection of God’s love for another. It is about seeing and being and drawing out the good. It is about being a place of encounter with divine love, in however ordinary or messy or clunky a manner we do it.

After receiving Jesus in the Eucharist at Mass one Sunday, my 5-year-old snuggled herself in the four inches between my kneeling body and the pew in front of me. She hugged me tightly, her messy hair in my face and breath on my neck. 

I hugged her back.  

She said, “Mama, I want to hug you so I can touch Jesus.” 

I held her longer and closer. Me and her and Jesus. Touch upon touch upon touch of Love. 

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Copyright 2025 Caitlan Rangel
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