Learning to Be a Better Parent

Rachel Watkins offers assurance that finding a better parenting style is possible and makes family life more loving along the way.  

Becoming a new parent is overwhelming. Every child that follows the first is overwhelming. Just when you think you know what you are doing, your child will prove you don’t.

Think about it: Every day you wake up you are different person but able to remember how life works, yet you still make poor decisions and random mistakes.

Meanwhile, your baby knows nothing except what they learn from you. They really do not know what they are doing only know they are hungry, sitting in a soiled diaper and/or very tired and trying to let us know. Their crying or fussing are not mistakes our children make. But we will make mistake after mistake trying to meet their needs. Our job is to be patient with them as they express their needs and as we try to meet them with the comfort, warmth, and love they also need.

Overwhelmed by Needs, Interruptions, and Differences

I will admit it took me at least 3 kids before I realized this. For too long, I saw their needs and wants as interruptions to my own needs and wants. I was selfish and immature despite my age. I would say, sometimes out loud, "Didn’t I just feed/change/hold you?" My first baby slept through the night easily and quickly. My next one, not so much. But it was my third child whose best sleep came when I stood up, held him in my arms and rocked him, while HIS hand was in MY mouth before setting him in his crib. This was such a frustrating time for me, but it did pass in a month or so. He required more from me to get to sleep, and I was reluctant to give it. I easily forgot that he was only 6 months old! What did he know; he just got here! Lesson learned.

Potty training? Well, girls are very different from boys from the very beginning, as their bodies are built different from the beginning. In fact, in almost every area, each of my children has required something new and different. This reality was often overwhelming.

Seeking the Best Parenting Advice

With every mistake we made, Matt and I were eager to be better parents but weren’t sure where to turn. We came from loving, wonderful families but we were making our own unique family. In the beginning, I took advice wherever I could get it. I was reading Parents magazine, out of print since 2022, talking to moms at the park and reading a copy of Dr. Spock (who is not Mr. Spock). Most experts say there are four types of parenting styles: authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and neglectful. But did you know there is also something called the 7-7-7 approach? Which one fit us and our unique family? Most importantly which parenting approach reflected the transcendentals that reflected the nature of God: truth, goodness or beauty. What about adding virtue?

Finding the right type of parenting style that fits your life is vital. It can be almost like discerning a religious vocation. If you know someone who is religious, they might have shared their struggles in finding where God wanted them to serve. How did God want us to parent?

We were eventually introduced to Dr. William and Martha Sears’ books on attachment parenting, which got us on the right path for our family. We found help from getting our babies sleep better to potty training and more. We were no longer floundering but found a source we trusted that reflected our hopes for our unique family. Along the way, we have added parenting help based on Theology of the Body teachings and secure attachment.

Learning Together to Become Better Parents

Also along the way, we found that a consistent parenting approach led to a more peaceful and loving family. Matt and I become co-captains of the same team, working from the same playbook with the same goal in mind: Heaven!

What will you and your spouse find? Perhaps you have great examples in friends around you or your own family. If you don’t, don’t despair, as you can get better as we did — and still are. We strive every day to be better than the day before while still making mistakes along the way.

If you find yourself floundering, strive to find a consistent parenting style that inspires you, your spouse, and your whole family. It is just as vital as finding the proper religious vocation: Each path can lead to more vocations and maybe even sainthood.

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Copyright 2026 Rachel Watkins
Images: Canva