Leaving the Mess

Claire McGarry learns the hard way that when we rush in to clean up the mess, we interrupt the good that can come from it.

In the fall of the first year we owned our home, I planted more than 200 tulip bulbs. The following spring, my yard looked glorious! The blooms added grace and color to our property, making me smile every time I looked at them.

However, when they began to wilt on their stems, they looked unsightly. In my desperation to get rid of that messy look, I cut them all off at the soil line, leaves and all, and tossed them into the woods. I did leave the bulbs in the ground so they’d bloom the following year.

If I’d only known how detrimental my rash reaction was.

I now know it’s the leaves on any flower that are the portal for food. They are what soak up the sun and, through photosynthesis, provide nourishment to the plant.

When I cut off those leaves immediately after the tulips bloomed, I stole the plants’ ability to store up sustenance for the following spring. Needles, to say, only nine of the 200 tulips bloomed the next year.

All too often, we moms rush in the minute something doesn’t look right in our kids’ lives. We want to clean up the mess so they can live easy and fruitful lives. What we overlook is what they can gain by living within their own mistakes, soaking up the lessons they have to teach.

We also rob them of the opportunity to become resilient: learning how to own mistakes and bounce back from them. By us handling the repercussions of their choices for them, we remove the weight that strengthens their character.

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The intention behind rescuing someone may be good, but it speaks of a lack of faith in the person, and a lack of faith in God and His master plan. #CatholicMom

My kids are now 19, 17, and 13. They are on the brink of discovering their own potential. I want to encourage them to take advantage of every opportunity that comes their way so they can reach it.

With that encouragement, I need to let go of the outcome of their choices and actions. I need to be there to support them, no matter what. But I shouldn’t confuse “support” with “rescue.” The intention behind rescuing someone may be good, but it speaks of a lack of faith in the person, and a lack of faith in God and His master plan.

I need to pray for the grace to allow the mess without being the clean-up crew. My flowers will thank me for it; and, someday, my kids will thank me too.

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