
Lorelei Savaryn ponders letting go of an imaginary ideal and embracing God’s will when Advent and Christmas aren’t perfect.
It happens every single year. I have so many wonderful plans for Advent and Christmas. Slow family dinners by light of the Advent wreath flame. Nightly devotions with the children. A quiet hush about us and an unhurried rhythm to our days.
Reality doesn't look like I imagined it would be
And every single year, reality doesn’t look like I imagined it would be. Two of our kids are in sports, and evenings and weekends are speckled with practices and games that mean quick dinners at the kitchen counter a few times a week. It means Mary on the Mantle sometimes forgets to move for an evening (after all, she got quite tired on her travels the day before and required some additional rest). It means I start the Advent devotional with the best intentions, but we don’t read several of the days.
Sigh.
For years, these “failures” (because that was how I saw them) would gnaw away at me. For years, the voice in my head was not very kind. A good Catholic mom would do all the liturgical things! I felt like I was missing something that other Catholic moms understood intuitively how to do. The result of the anxiety and the negative self-talk was that my family got a mom with a very short circuit during a season meant to be oriented around hope and peace.
Try something different
After many years, I have finally realized that I cannot avoid imperfection and so I need to find a better way. I have decided to try something different. I am making an effort to accept, and even embrace, the mistakes that always come. To pause when I feel the tension creeping into my shoulders. When I walk in the room and find that the kitchen is a mess. Or when someone gets sick on Christmas day. Or when I receive a Christmas card in the mail and realize that my cards are going to be late, if they even get sent at all.
That pause gives me a moment to remember something very real and very true, and to reorient my heart back where it belongs. The thing is, the first Advent and Christmas were filled with muck and dirt and imperfection and inconvenience. It doesn’t make sense for me to ask something of myself that even the first Christmas season didn’t give. And so, instead of a short temper, I am trying to offer a smile and forgiveness to others and myself. I am trying to model acceptance. After all, Jesus came for humanity. All of it. Not just the pretty parts.
Presence is more important than perfection
God and our families aren’t looking for you or me to be the perfect Catholic mom this Advent or Christmas season. They’re looking for our presence, even in the messy moments. They’re looking to better understand God’s peace. They’re looking for us to model hope. The kind of hope that comes from a Love deeper than the superficial trappings of pride in a “Advent or Christmas Done Well.” They want presence and peace and hope with us and throughout our homes, even when things go wrong or we forget. We can model grace with ourselves and that will send a ripple of grace out into the ones we love. When things are busier than we expected, we can still hold onto peace.
We can remember Mary and Joseph. All the things that went wrong on that hallowed night. But, as it turned out, peace didn’t come from perfect circumstances. It never would have, even if they had found the best room in the best inn in Bethlehem. Peace and Joy and Presence would come from the baby that Mary would soon hold in her arms, amid the unmanageable mess.
As Advent comes to a close and Christmas fast draws near, may we embrace the imperfections in this season and the ones that are to come. And maybe, if we pause for a moment, find the beauty within the mess as the Holy Family did on that first Christmas Day.
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Copyright 2024 Lorelei Savaryn
Images: Canva
About the Author

Lorelei Savaryn
Lorelei Savaryn joyfully joined the Catholic Church in 2016 after many years as a Protestant. She lives outside Chicago with her husband, four children, and dog named Saint. She writes about her faith and family life on ThisCatholicFamily.com. She is also a children's author. Her debut novel, The Circus of Stolen Dreams, released in Sept 2020 from Penguin Random House/Philomel.
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