Letter to a Young Bride

Bonnie Drury shares her advice about marriage with those recently married, or about to be married.     

Dear Bride, 

I’ve been married a long time. I won’t tell you how long because you’ll think I have nothing to offer. You may think my musings are old-fashioned, and you may be right. Then again, maybe there will be something you can carry into your marriage.  

For the sake of this letter, let’s assume you’re married to Prince Charming. 

First of all, I would say, “Find the joy in each day.” I so often hear young women compete with one another in their daily litany of complaints. It makes me cringe, knowing that this bad habit needs to be stopped in the beginning. It will strip your life of joy. 

In the earlier days, I used to bombard my husband with all the ways the children misbehaved that day as soon as he came through the door. I soon realized that he’d been looking forward to coming home, and the first thing he had to do was discipline the kids. I didn’t allow him the “Daddy’s home!” moment. 

Develop Habits of Gratitude 

Count your blessings.

Once you develop the habit of taking a moment to consider your blessings, it will be easier to remember to thank God for His amazing Love. Yes, you’ll get tired and discouraged, but it’s the natural result of a day well-spent. 

Focus on your spouse’s good points, the reasons you fell in love with him. Don’t build on the times that he irritates and annoys you until divorce seems to be the only option.  

I don’t mean that you should stay if there’s abuse, or some other terrible problem that can’t be resolved. If you have a good relationship, treasure the good times. He’ll be the only one who can share all the memories of a life fully lived.  

Develop a good sense of humor, if you don’t already have one.

You’ll need it. Some of our fights in the early years seemed to be marriage-ending, but he could always make me laugh, and the anger would dissipate. To have someone you can laugh with, is truly a gift. 

Forgive and forget.

The forgetting is the hard part, isn’t it? Let it go. Don’t harbor grudges against your spouse until he feels unworthy to breathe the same air as you. Grudges only eat you up inside and rob you of joy. 

Practice your faith.

This, more than anything, can carry you through the trials and tribulations of marriage. It’s not easy, no matter how much in love you are. Children’s problems, in-laws, illnesses, disagreements, disappointment, money troubles, are all a part of your married life. But so is incredible joy, if you open your heart to it with gratitude. 

A wonderful devotion is the Seven Sorrows of the Mother of God. If we pray the Seven Sorrows daily, Mary’s first promise is, “I will grant peace to their families.” Mary doesn’t take her promises lightly. 

Appreciate the little things.

This is so important. If you expect grand gestures all the time, you’ll miss the precious little moments that will make your life together golden. To me, romance is when my husband keeps my water bottle filled, or when he agrees to have a grandchild over, even when he’s tired, just because it will make me happy.  

Pick your battles.

Is it really important to you that he picks up his socks when it starts your day off wrong by complaining? Can you try a little harder with his mother, who thinks there’s no one on earth good enough for her son?  

Pick the battle that means something. Don’t nag and nit-pick. As women, we have the gift of making a man feel less than a man. Is it wise to use that power? 

My husband and I made a pact, to treat one another with kindness, respect, and patience, as we would a stranger. No, it isn’t always easy, and it takes daily prayer.  

Find the Joy in Each Day 

Back to my first advice: Look into your spouse’s loving gaze and thank God. At the end, you’ll be with someone who’s seen you at your worst, and still thinks you’re beautiful, someone who knows all your secrets and would never betray you. You’ll have someone who shares all your memories, as you reminisce together and smile. 

My heart and prayers go out to all the young brides who are beginning this perilous, yet wonderful journey. Embrace it with your whole being. Have courage, and most of all, have faith. 

God bless. 

Your Friend in Christ, 
Bonnie (An Old Bride) 

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Copyright 2025 Bonnie Drury
Images: Canva
This article was first published in Radiant, a publication of OSV.