Life Comes at You Fast

Christine Johnson ponders the exciting new changes ahead for her younger daughter—and her need to give up her own expectations.

My younger daughter graduated from Belmont Abbey College on Mother’s Day weekend with her BA in Psychology. She is already signed up to start her masters in Marriage and Family Therapy with Montreat University; it’s a virtual program. Her reasoning was that she would be able to start the program after moving home again, and when she and her boyfriend got married, it wouldn’t be a problem to move, since school would be portable. Clinicals and practicum could be done anywhere.

In preparation for her return home, we rearranged things and set up what had become my husband’s office as her bedroom, complete with a new queen-sized bed. The bed would be staying when she got married and moved out, making for a nice guest room.

null

Her boyfriend came down to visit her, and they talked about the wedding they could start planning. (No ring yet, but she’s like her mother—discussing the details and starting to iron out how things would work out.) One big issue for them has been where to get married. He lives in Maryland, and we live in Southwest Virginia. It’s about 4 1/2 hours apart (if traffic cooperates). Whose parish would be the one for their wedding? How would they handle marriage prep? How often could they possibly see each other between now and then?

Last night, they sat down with us to talk it out. They’d decided two things: They’d be getting married in Maryland, and she would be moving up there this fall to live with her future sister-in-law to help with her children part-time while she worked part-time in a field she’s working on getting licensed in, all while going to school.

Somehow, I managed not to burst into tears on the spot.

Click to tweet:
I actually am happy for her. I just need a little time to mourn. #CatholicMom

It’s really not about me, and the reasoning is really sound. Our daughter is no longer close to anyone in this area; she’s drifted away from all of her high school friends in the four years she spent at the Abbey. She won’t be isolated in Maryland, since her boyfriend’s family is there, he is there, and she’s become a very welcomed guest any time she goes to visit. Marriage prep will be easier if they both live where they’re getting married. And they’ll go to marriage prep at the parish they’ll attend as a family.

But at the same time, it’s hard not to feel hurt and anxious. I’ll be hours away, planning via FaceTime, email, and text. I can’t just go out on my half-day and see a venue or meet a photographer or baker. How will we look for a wedding dress? Will I even get that pleasure, or will it fall to her future mother-in-law to help with that?

She’s not trying to get away or replace me, and I know that in my head. But this is not something I’d planned for. I thought I might have close to a year with her living at home, and I’m getting about 2 1/2 months.

My current plan is to just go with it. None of this is my decision, and she is so very excited to start a new life. I actually am happy for her. I just need a little time to mourn, and then I can get back on board and help plan whatever is possible to do from here.

Lord, help me be gracious and at peace.

null