Losing My Compass

At the end of a challenging season, Elizabeth Estrada resolves to find her way back to God.

Challenges come and go but sometimes they seem to keep coming. This can feel like you are standing still, or you can’t find any answers.

Prayer and staying close to God has always given me a peace and reminding me that I am not alone. During this time in my life, God felt so far away. In my mind I know that isn’t true; I know He is closer than I think. But in my soul, the distance was very real.

Perhaps it was all the things that changed and seemed so overwhelming and different. My hours at work changed so I was getting home later than usual. I also had a new boss who was very controlling and intimidating. So, I had to be hypervigilant, or I felt like I needed to.

It threw my routine completely off and it seemed like I didn’t have time to just be. I couldn’t find my rhythm at work or at home. I was always rushing.

I thought that by letting go of some commitments this would help my routine settle and seem more manageable.

While this was going on at work, my son turned 18 years old. This milestone comes with many changes too. I was aware that he was adjusting to these changes, but I felt I needed to be there for him to support him and help him navigate the waters.

Lost in a new territory

I felt lost in a new territory that I had never encountered before. Everything was new, scary, and overwhelming. The Holy Spirit led me back to counseling. I needed guidance and support. I needed to talk about all my feelings and everything going on.

I kept praying and talking to the Lord. I prayed my Morning Offering, my Rosary, and spoke to Him throughout the day.

Deep down in my soul I felt like that wasn’t enough, that I wasn’t doing my part. I wasn’t going to Adoration for an hour weekly anymore.

Too many things in my spiritual life were lacking, and many bad habits had returned. Everything was just wrong — it felt that way.

null

Making an intentional change

So, I have been trying to be more intentional in my prayer life. I have started to go to Adoration at least 15 minutes a week. Not so much because the Lord needs me, but because I need Him to comfort me and give me peace like no one else can.

He is my compass, and I must surrender everything to Him and not let my anxiety take over. For now, I will continue to pray for Him to be my compass and trust that He is.

What intentional changes have you made to deepen your prayer life?

Share your thoughts with the Catholic Mom community! You'll find the comment box below the author's bio and list of recommended articles.