Motherhood: Built on Sacrificial Love

Roxane Salonen holds up a defining truth about what’s at the center of the sublime, God-given vocation of motherhood. 

“We nailed it!” I texted my friend, referring to an article on motherhood I had just sent her: an essay affirming the conclusions we had come to together at a nearby coffee shop. 

In the article, Kelsey Reinhardt stated beautifully, and truthfully, that “Motherhood builds the civilization of love,” adding that it’s “not merely a private dwelling” but “the seedbed of society,” and that, from motherhood, “a civilization of love is born.” 

Even more on point, she’d said a mother draws this power from the sacrificial nature of this vocation — something current childless influencers, who’ve demeaned the vocation, cannot comprehend.  

We love who and what we sacrifice for, which is why civilization is reborn in the self-sacrifice of a mother. The anxious math of what it might cost — the dreams deferred, the sleepless nights, the freedoms surrendered — is upside down. Those are all fuel to the fire of sacrificial love. (Kelsey Reinhardt)

Only another mother could write such sublime words of truth; one who has dwelt in the trenches of love for her child, and, at times, felt the pangs of rejection that accompany the role. 

Coffee Shop Conclusions 

My friend and I had zeroed in on the wisdom of Reinhardt’s piece just hours before reading it.  

To add important context, our visit happened on Mother’s Day 2025. We’d planned to enjoy a Sunday walk along the Red River as we try to do most weeks, but that dream had been interrupted by an afternoon heat spike. Being both veteran moms, accustomed to Plan Bs, we quickly found a suitable redirect, and soon, were settling happily into a cool corner of a coffee house, sipping iced drinks.  

Situated as far away from the buzz of the espresso maker as we could find, we naturally circled around to the topic of motherhood. 

“This is my favorite day of the year,” I confided, “even more than my birthday!” I’d just come from a beautiful brunch with my husband, four of our five adult children, and a son-in-law. 

As I shared what had led to my declaration, understanding formed on her face. We don’t come from the same starting points on this topic, however. While I’m a mom who carried my children in my womb, she carried her children in her heart until the day of their adoptions.  

As we swapped stories, my friend shared honestly that in the beginning, she wasn’t sure what claim she had to her newborn daughter, who’d come into the world through someone else’s body. But when her infant became ill, her mindset changed. Suffering with her daughter, and doing everything she could to help her recover, my friend’s doubts drifted away as she realized, unequivocally, “I’m a mother now.”  

From this, we both agreed: Motherhood is defined most of all by sacrifice. It is when we die to ourselves out of love for another that we become mothers. 

Natural vs. Supernatural 

In this way, motherhood need not be confined to natural motherhood, since we can find the same reality in supernatural motherhood. Not all women bear children, but the majority end up becoming mothers in the way my friend and I described it. 

She has the additional insight of having a grandchild her daughter didn’t raise, and who she barely knows. With few sacrificial touchpoints beyond the pregnancy and birth, the bondedness simply isn’t there. “And that’s okay,” she said. Many others took up the charge, and in their mothering of her, they earned the distinction.   

When we give to others without counting the cost, we become mothers. Love makes the difference.  

I’m so grateful for my friend’s perspective. As an adoptive mom, she has taught me so much about viewing motherhood not just in theory but in truth. Through her sharing, I realize on an even deeper level how blessed I am to be a mother. 

Whether we become mothers naturally or supernaturally, the world needs us.  

As Reinhardt so perfectly stated, motherhood is one of the most profound political and spiritual acts that can affect society; a “radical gift of love that does not stop at the door of the home” but “spills over … builds … beautifies,” transforming society “from the ground up.” 

To be a mother, whether biologically or spiritually, she said, “is to respond to the deepest call of womanhood: to love in a way that brings others into being and belonging.” 

What a beautiful honor we are given, along with Our Blessed Mother, in being called “Mother.” 

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Copyright 2025 Roxane Salonen
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