Mulligan

Maria Morera Johnson describes how she's learned to delight in her grandchildren in ways she couldn't imagine when her own children were young.

I spend much too much time telling social media algorithms that I love baby memes and grandparent videos. And I continue to feed into it by watching every single one of the reels and videos that pop into my feeds. There’s probably a better use of my down time. I could take up the piano or write the Great American Novel.

Alas, the videos win every time.

What I’ve found in these videos, besides the crack-ups and precious snippets of babies and toddlers doing clever things, is a kind of de facto solidarity with other grandparents delighting in their grandkids. I’ve learned how to make easy crafts and 3-ingredient cookies, and how to use a fitted sheet for the perfect living room fortress. Who says an old dog can’t learn new tricks?

One of the funny bits that comes up often is the adult child pointing out that the mother-turned-grandmother is unrecognizable. My own daughter has said this on occasion when I’ve taken a fussy child aside and showered him with attention instead of sending him to a time-out, or when I give two small boys wooden spoons and set them loose in an explosion of flour and eggs to make cookies with no regard for the clean-up.

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I’ll have plenty of time for cleaning up when they leave. The time I have now, with them, is better served listening to their made-up stories that have no actual plot, laughing with them at their poor comic timing in a botched knock-knock joke, letting them find treasures in closed drawers and secret boxes. Their wonder is my treasure.

Grandchildren are the crown of the aged. (Proverbs 17:6 RSV)

With age comes wisdom. The gift we’re given as grandparents is the opportunity to do things differently. I’ve seen this sentiment shared on social media, and there is great wisdom in it. I remember what it was like with three children under the age of five. As much as we’d like to believe mothers are masters of multi-tasking, we know we can’t do multiple things at a time. I can only watch the eggs on the stove or separate wrestling siblings. I can only feed the hungry baby or fold laundry. Saving the eggs probably means a raised voice. Feeding the baby certainly means wrinkled shirts. Multiply this by all the things that are happening while trying to run a household with littles in it, and you have a recipe for chaos.

I’m sure there are many parents today (and back in my day) who have mastered the art of graceful parenting. I’m here to say I didn’t. Oh, I’m sure we had wonderful moments here and there, but often, I felt like I was just barely staying ahead of child services when it took me seven passes by the spilled milk before I finally cleaned it up.

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Enter my parents. They would step into the chaos periodically and ask if they could take one of the kids over to their house to play and have dinner. They would return their grandchild at bedtime, fed, bathed and tired out, ready for a bedtime story. I was grateful for this kindness, and believed they were doing this out of love for me. They could see I was overwhelmed on some days, and it was a loving gesture for me and the lucky kiddo who was plucked from the competition for attention.

Click to tweet:
With age comes wisdom. The gift we’re given as grandparents is the opportunity to do things differently. #CatholicMom

Now that I am a grandparent, I understand the multiple levels of love happening in that tradition of one-on-one time with a grandchild. Certainly, I want to give my daughter the opportunity to run errands alone or sit with a cup of coffee for a much-needed break. I might even frame it that way, but if I’m honest, I also want to have that one-on-one time with my grandchild. The kids want it, too.

Here is where that meme gets it right. It is an opportunity to do things differently. I can play another round of Candy Land again and again. I can listen without interruption. We can sit around, do nothing, giggle, and cut up with no clock rushing us to the next thing. We can relish the time we spend together and build memories for both of us. Age and time have afforded me this opportunity to take a mulligan, to do things a little differently, and I’ll jump at the chance every time.

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