My Heart Is Restless; Is Yours?

Sr. Margaret Kerry describes the journey of learning to listen for God's gentle invitation.

I usually apply this passage from St. Augustine to others, “Our hearts are restless until they rest in you.”  This week, though, these words took a turn to aim directly at me. Was it the ongoing pandemic or the protests on the street where we work that got my attention? No. From the same dust I am made I built a secure hut in my interior castle. What caused one protective wall to crumble?

Of all things, social media. That form of communication I often disparage provided the soft mallet for God to crack my wall. The occasion was a Facebook post by an irate man. He had spent a lot of time trying to help others. Suddenly some of his “friends” turned against him. Founder of a local organization that feeds and clothes those in need, he recently led a peaceful protest for justice. Now he was accused of spurious motivation. This upset him. If his work is not appreciated, he responded, “why continue?” All actions are fueled by intentions; do we take time to consider them? Can we truly understand our motives? Is this a reason to stop doing good?  

I sat with his dilemma during prayer. First, I considered the simplest and most ordinary actions of each day: emptying the dishwasher, taking out garbage, putting things away that were left out. When I ask for help that person also wants to know who left that there or when was the last time someone else took care it. They reflect my own questions. Just like that person I am tempted to not do any of it until my questions are answered.  

As I opened the Scriptures God kept gently breaking in: “Rejoice greatly, O daughter Zion, shout aloud O daughter Jerusalem! Lo, your king comes to you; triumphant and victorious is he….” 

The next line stopped me: “humble and riding on a donkey.” This passage came from a time that, never mind a humble king but one riding in on a donkey, would have been shocking! With this tactic the king commanded peace to the nations. Jesus resembles this king. He certainly did not receive appreciation. Do I consider my triumphant victory an act of humility?

A crack opened my adobe barricade. It stirred up old messages: of all the “wonders I accomplish” – no one seems to care – no one is responding – no one is appreciative.  With this came the realization that MY heart is restless. God invites me to partake in intimate divine communion. This pull toward divine intimacy leaves me restless. I can’t fill it with the adulation of others (accept maybe for a few hours). There is nothing I can fill it with. I will be restless in the little daily things as well as my big achievements until union with God is reached. Those inspirations to do good overflow from God’s heart into mine. When I co-create with God the best response for me is gratitude.

St Teresa of Ávila reminds me that even in this lifetime the soul can make its way to union with God though the journey is completed when the soul experiences beatific vision (Interior Castle 33). Spend time in the rooms of self-knowledge and humility, she advises; set your eyes on Christ.

I set my eyes on the one who says, “Come to me for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest.” (cf. Matthew 11)

In the musical Hamilton Alexander Hamilton’s future wife sings about her love, “Helpless, you got me helpless.” My song of love is “restless, you got me restless.” Each day I awake in my interior castle I listen for God’s gentle invitation to move closer to divine union. Restlessness is a GPS turning me toward the true direction of my heart.  

You, God, are my God; I seek you, I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you. Psalm 63

Restlessness is a GPS turning me toward the true direction of my heart. #catholicmom

Copyright 2020 Sr. Margaret Kerry, FSP
Images (top to bottom): Pixabay (2017); NASA/JPL-Caltech/UCLA - WISE, Public Domain