On the To-Do List: Plan Your Own Funeral

What would planning your funeral look like? Pam Spano describes the steps to take to look ahead at your wake service and funeral Mass.

Have you planned your own funeral? Are you thinking about it? Too soon, you say? Maybe you have a hard time thinking about it or talking it over with your spouse and family? Do you consider the planning morbid?  

When we get to a certain age, we attend more funerals. The only ones that I sort of remember are the ones for young people. The shortness of their lives stands out and the excruciating sadness of the loss permeates my memory. Sometimes it’s the circumstances of their death that lingers with me. I don’t remember the readings or the music.  

When someone my own age dies, my memory only records my personal loss and the loss felt by their loved ones. Occasionally I will come across the program for the funeral rite and remember the readings or music.   

For a long time, I’ve been thinking about my own funeral. Not in a morbid way, but as something that needs to be done like our wills. My husband and I recently finished setting up our estate, so the natural next step seemed to me to be the planning of our funerals.  

My family and I have not discussed this openly, but I will definitely leave instructions as soon as I figure out what they are. I think my family and loved ones will appreciate this.  

What does planning my funeral entail? 

Choosing the Scripture readings

What does planning my funeral entail? What readings do I want? This will take time and research because even though I won’t “be there,” I want readings that have meant something to me over the years, readings that will reflect my faith journey. I’m going to start keeping track when I hear passages during Mass or just in casual reading. This way I can sort through them and pick my favorites. And pray about it. 

The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB) has compiled listings of the various options for readings during a funeral Mass. I'll need to choose one reading from each of these groups:

• Old Testament readings for funerals
• Responsorial Psalms for funerals
• New Testament readings for funerals
• Gospel readings for funerals 

Choosing the music

What music do I want? Singing in church for years has made me somewhat picky. There’s a list of songs I definitely don’t want! I do want a lovely Marian song. This is the one I have in mind.  

The Hail Mary has been an integral part in my faith journey. Our Mother stepped in when I needed her most and accompanied me as I navigated motherhood. She interceded on my behalf to her Son as I healed from the wounds inflicted by my own mother. 

While the USCCB recommends that secular music not be used during a funeral Mass, you can request a special song or two for your wake or prayer service at the funeral home. I have selected two.

There’s a song from the play and movie, Wicked, that I dearly love.  

The song resonates with me when I think of all the people in my life. I hope the lyrics will encourage forgiveness in those I have hurt. Perhaps it could be played as a prequel to a prayer service at my wake.  

I also have a Beatles song in mind:  

Friends of mine have expressed a fondness for that song too, and they think it’s a great idea to have it included in a celebration of life. The words would be lovely printed in the program. I’ve always been a Beatles fan, so one of their songs would be expected at my wake. 

A celebration of life 

And that’s what I hope for most: a celebration of life! I know there will be sadness. There usually is, but I hope people are happy for having known me. I want them to celebrate great memories of our time together. And if necessary, I pray I will be forgiven if I hurt them in any way.  

2025 has just begun and I realize it’s odd to start the year by planning my own ending. The way I look at it though, is that, like our estate planning, it’s something that needs to be done.  

Let’s pray for the new year together! 

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Copyright 2025 Pam Spano
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