Pain, Helplessness, and Death

As Tami Urcia considers the Blessed Mother at the foot of the Cross, she ponders how wives and mothers experience the suffering of their loved ones.

I can’t remember a single time in my life when I actually thought I was going to die. There have been a few times when I have been in a certain amount of pain, like after surgery, but never a time when I considered myself to be near death. My husband, on the other hand, has had quite a number of experiences. He flatlined on the table during an appendectomy when he was 16. He felt like his legs were going to explode from pinched nerves. He experienced excruciating pain after back surgery. And most recently, he had a horrible stomach bug that had him heaving uncontrollably for hours on end.

At times like these, when I accompany my husband through these hard times of pain and suffering, I can identify with Our Blessed Mother, who stood at the foot of the Cross and watched her Son be tortured, taunted and eventually suffocate to death. It is one of the most terrible feelings to have to sit by and watch someone and not be able to do a single thing about it. At times like these, it’s even hard to pray. It’s as if our soul can only send doleful groans heavenward and we have to depend on others’ prayers to carry us.

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I’m sure each and every one of you have experienced moments like this at least a time or two as mothers. Times when your child has been ill or undergone surgery, times when your husband has unexpectedly lost his job, times when you have experienced infertility or miscarriage or had to have a hysterectomy when you desired more children. Each of these times has surely brought its own excruciating pain and sense of helplessness. Hopefully you have had someone or several people to help you get through these times.

Now recall a time of particular pain, and imagine that you knew for certain it would end in death. Imagine that the whole time you were facing it, you knew that you or your loved one would soon pass away. Would you run? Would you embrace it? Would you rebel against the stark reality? Would you beg God to free you from it?

Jesus asked His Father to free Him, yet He also submitted to His will. It was so difficult for Him that He sweated blood just thinking about it. It was so traumatic for Him that He wanted His closest friends to be there for Him, but they kept falling asleep. He was facing the most difficult moments of His life that He knew would end in death, and He was all alone.

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Today, as we remember His death on the cross for us, let us also remember that He understands us as we navigate each “death” in our lives. Let us remember that He is always with us and we are never alone. Let us remember that no matter how painful certain circumstances can become for us, we have eternal life to look forward to precisely because of what He endured on that Good Friday long ago. Take heart, dear sisters, for His love has conquered the grave.

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