Permission to Waste Time with Our Kids

Tami Kiser reflects on the most valuable lesson Pope Francis taught her.  

Like everyone else in the online universe, I’ve been reflecting on the influence of Pope Francis. Particularly, I’ve been reflecting on his influence on me personally.    

So Many Valuable and Encouraging Documents  

I love so many of his papal bulls (right? Isn’t that a thing?), encyclicals, and audiences. I think about Amoris Laetitia and its insight on marital and family relationships. There is some great practical stuff there. As someone who spends a lot of time in nature, I loved Laudato Si'.  One of Pope Francis' earlier apostolic exhortations, Evangelii Gaudium (The Joy of the Gospel), awoke my soul and led me to pay further attention to this great spiritual teacher. And I could go on, including the recent encyclical on the Sacred Heart. Totally loved that!    

But like I said, many others are reflecting on these writings and will for many years to come. I don’t think they were as appreciated as they should have been while he was alive, and these are certainly part of the great legacy he left behind for all of us.  

One Seemingly Insignificant Comment  

Although he suggested many challenging actions for us as our Pope, there is one that was, and still is, particularly hard for me. At a gathering for the Pontifical Council for the Family back in 2013, he said, “Waste time with your children.” 

I can feed them and clothe them. I can shuttle them to soccer practice, piano lessons, and birthday parties. I can help with homework and proofread essays. I can find missing socks and pick up a rotisserie chicken for dinner. But waste time with my kids? That is asking too much!  

“Dear Pope Francis, do you not know the busy life I lead? Do you not understand all the responsibilities that I have? I have every minute measured, planned, listed.”  

And I can imagine Pope Francis saying back to me, “But my friend, do you actually spend time with them? Not just in their presence, but actually with them? Do you look them in the eyes? Do you take the time to listen to their stories, their thoughts, their jokes, their ponderings? Laugh with them, cry with them. It will seem like a waste of time, but it is very far from it.” 

The treadmill life of being on the go and checking off lists is not one of relationships. If we want to build this bond of love with our kids, we can’t be just their chauffeurs, launderers, and tutors. We’ve got to stop and just be with them.    

For someone who is very product driven, I have to label time that’s not getting something done as “wasting time.” And that’s OK. When the opportunities arise to waste time, I tell myself to stop what I’m doing and “waste time.” I give myself permission to do this. Pope Francis says we need to do this.   

A Policy I Live, Inspired by Pope Francis  

I have a policy now that no matter what I am doing when one of my children is asking me something or telling me something, I stop what I am doing and look them in the eyes (or listen intently on the phone) as if this is the most important matter in my life at that moment. I don’t hurry back to what I was doing. I don’t try to sum up what they are saying. I listen. I ask questions. I show interest. Slowly. Like I’m wasting time.    

I have seen the fruit of this “wasting time.”  

I know in my heart that it is not wasting time at all, but is truly productive in what really matters.   

Share your thoughts with the Catholic Mom community! You'll find the comment box below the author's bio and list of recommended articles.

Copyright 2025 Tami Kiser
Images: Canva