--- title: "Pierced by a Sword: Watching our Children Suffer" description: Charisse Tierney ponders why our children need to suffer and shares a prayer we can say to stay out of God’s way as He shapes them.  image: https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/20240820%20CTierney%202.png --- [![catholic-mom-logo-v2](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/images/catholic-mom-logo-v2.svg "catholic-mom-logo-v2")](https://www.catholicmom.com/) [![facebook](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-facebook.svg)](http://www.facebook.com/CatholicMomCommunity) [![twitter](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-twitter.svg)](http://twitter.com/CatholicMomCom) [![instagram](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-instagram.svg)](http://instagram.com/catholicmomcommunity) [![youtube](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-youtube.svg)](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAuUqHCVPDzyMgSMaMZxxug?view_as=subscriber) [![search-icon](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/search-icon.svg)](https://www.catholicmom.com/articles/pierced-by-a-sword-watching-our-children-suffer#) [PARENTING](https://www.catholicmom.com/articles/tag/parenting) # Pierced by a Sword: Watching our Children Suffer Aug 20, 2024 11:30:00 AM  |  by [Charisse Tierney](https://www.catholicmom.com/articles/author/charisse-tierney) ![featured image](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/20240820%20CTierney%202.png) *Charisse Tierney ponders why our children need to suffer and shares a prayer we can say to stay out of God’s way as He shapes them. * --- ## Born To Struggle   It started the moment they were no longer one with me.    The moment they had to cry to have their needs met.   The moment I had to be separated from my firstborn so his underdeveloped lungs could get oxygen from a machine.   The moment I saw my newborn daughter stop breathing, turn blue, and go limp in my arms.   The moment my preemie son pulled his own feeding tube out with his tiny fingers.    ![null](https://www.catholicmom.com/hs-fs/hubfs/20240820%20CTierney%201.png?width=1080&height=1080&name=20240820%20CTierney%201.png)   Our children are born into a world filled with struggles. Sometimes we can, and should, instantly come to their aid. And sometimes all we can do is watch and feel our heart breaking with theirs.   The pain of this world is no fun. As individuals, we learn how to work through challenges, how to manage disappointments, and where to turn when our own pain seems like too much to bear.    As we endure and survive all that life throws at us, we grow stronger. We learn lessons. We accept loss and gain wisdom. Maybe some of us even start to catch a glimpse of the value of suffering and the great gift it is when it is offered out of love.   And then we have children, and we have to start the whole process of coping with suffering all over again in an entirely different way.   The sword of our children’s pain pierces our hearts like none other.   Even the small, every day struggles are so hard to watch. We want to jump in immediately and help our toddler climb up into the swing. We want to step in and mediate when a dispute comes up between siblings or friends. We want to walk into our teenager’s place of employment and talk to his unreasonable boss for him.   But if we don’t allow our children to receive the gift of pain and struggle, they’ll be forever stunted in their pursuit of sainthood.   It is these challenges of life that prepare our children to do God’s work.    ## Pray to stay out of God’s way   There is a prayer that I say frequently: “Please help me not to get in the way of Your work in my children’s lives.”   Of course, I try to keep my children safe. I guide them. I pray for them. I try to lead by example. I set boundaries and consequences.   But I’m learning to recognize when the best thing I can do is step aside and let my child work through a struggle on his own.    ![null](https://www.catholicmom.com/hs-fs/hubfs/20240820%20CTierney%203.png?width=1080&height=1080&name=20240820%20CTierney%203.png)   ## Look to Mary   Our mother Mary showed us this as she watched her own son endure the greatest pain imaginable. She didn’t wail, or scream, or try to physically stop His Crucifixion. She simply walked alongside the journey that was His alone. She was the observer. She was present should a need arise, but faithful to her background role so that the world could feel the ultimate joy that is always possible through great pain.   It is in stepping back and allowing our children to endure and survive their own struggles that we give them the gift of faith and hope.   And this is when all catch a glimpse of that beautiful moment when pain and joy are one.    Share your thoughts with the Catholic Mom community! You'll find the comment box below the author's bio and list of recommended articles. --- Copyright 2024 Charisse Tierney Images: (center) copyright 2024 Charisse Tierney, all rights reserved; all others Canva ### Share this article [![Share on Facebook](https://static.hubspot.com/final/img/common/icons/social/facebook-24x24.png)](http://www.facebook.com/share.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.catholicmom.com%2Farticles%2Fpierced-by-a-sword-watching-our-children-suffer%3Futm_medium%3Dsocial%26utm_source%3Dfacebook) [![Share on Twitter](https://static.hubspot.com/final/img/common/icons/social/twitter-24x24.png)](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?original_referer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.catholicmom.com%2Farticles%2Fpierced-by-a-sword-watching-our-children-suffer%3Futm_medium%3Dsocial%26utm_source%3Dtwitter&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.catholicmom.com%2Farticles%2Fpierced-by-a-sword-watching-our-children-suffer%3Futm_medium%3Dsocial%26utm_source%3Dtwitter&source=tweetbutton&text=Pierced%20by%20a%20Sword%3A%20Watching%20our%20Children%20Suffer) [![Share on Email](https://static.hubspot.com/final/img/common/icons/social/email-24x24.png)](mailto:?subject=Check%20out%20https%3A%2F%2Fwww.catholicmom.com%2Farticles%2Fpierced-by-a-sword-watching-our-children-suffer%3Futm_medium%3Dsocial%26utm_source%3Demail%20&body=Check%20out%20https%3A%2F%2Fwww.catholicmom.com%2Farticles%2Fpierced-by-a-sword-watching-our-children-suffer%3Futm_medium%3Dsocial%26utm_source%3Demail) ** #### About the Author ![Charisse Tierney](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/Contriubutors/CHARISSE%20TIERNEY.jpeg) ### [Charisse Tierney](https://www.catholicmom.com/articles/author/charisse-tierney) Charisse Tierney lives in Wichita, Kansas, with her husband Rob and seven children. Charisse is a stay-at-home mom, musician, NFP teacher, and a Catechesis of the Good Shepherd catechist. She is also a contributing author to *The Catholic Mom's Prayer Companion* and *Family Foundations* magazine. Charisse blogs at [Paving the Path to Purity](http://pavingthepathtopurity.wordpress.com/) and can be found on [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/pavingthepathtopurity). ## Related Blog Articles [ How the Saints Are Helping Me Raise Teenagers Read ](https://www.catholicmom.com/articles/how-the-saints-are-helping-me-raise-teenagers) [ Five Ways to Transform Your Soul this Lent Read ](https://www.catholicmom.com/articles/five-ways-to-transform-your-soul-this-lent) [ Chaplets: Consolation In A World Of Unknowns Read ](https://www.catholicmom.com/articles/2016/01/28/chaplets-consolation-world-unknowns) ## Comments ## Donate now [![Support Catholic Mom](https://no-cache.hubspot.com/cta/default/275132/10016573-1c5c-4aa5-baba-c2ac91fe7545.png)](https://cta-redirect.hubspot.com/cta/redirect/275132/10016573-1c5c-4aa5-baba-c2ac91fe7545) [![CatholicMom_hcfm_logo1_pos_871c_2728c (002)](https://www.catholicmom.com/hs-fs/hubfs/CatholicMom_hcfm_logo1_pos_871c_2728c%20(002).png?width=1806&height=731&name=CatholicMom_hcfm_logo1_pos_871c_2728c%20(002).png "CatholicMom_hcfm_logo1_pos_871c_2728c (002)")](https://www.catholicmom.com/) ##### Subscribe to Catholic Momcast on iTunes or Spotify [![itunes-logo-black](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/logos/itunes-logo-black.svg)](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/catholic-momcast/id1362352357)[![spotify-logo-black](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/logos/spotify-logo-black.svg)](https://open.spotify.com/show/15CoipHL7z61IDcYErV0b8?si=hqaQJSxDQgq7S1hxCwsoxQ) ##### CatholicMom on Social Networks [![facebook](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-facebook.svg)](http://www.facebook.com/CatholicMomCommunity) [![twitter](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-twitter.svg)](http://twitter.com/CatholicMomCom) [![instagram](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-instagram.svg)](http://instagram.com/catholicmomcommunity) [![youtube](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-youtube.svg)](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAuUqHCVPDzyMgSMaMZxxug?view_as=subscriber) ##### About Catholic Mom [Who We Are](https://www.catholicmom.com/about-us) [Contact Us](https://www.catholicmom.com/contact) [Support CatholicMom.com](https://www.catholicmom.com/support-us)   ##### Associated Links [Holy Cross Family Ministries](https://www.hcfm.org/) [Family Rosary](https://www.familyrosary.org/) [Family Theater Productions](https://www.familytheater.org/) [Congregation of the Holy Cross](https://www.holycrossusa.org/) [Father Patrick Peyton, C.S.C.](https://www.fatherpeyton.org/) [The Peyton Institute for Domestic Church Life](https://www.peytonfamilyinstitute.org/) ### **Stay connected!** Don’t miss a thing! 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