Position Available

Merridith Frediani shares a tongue-in-cheek job description for a familiar position.

Position Title: Somebody

Immediate opening.

This ongoing concern is looking for a person with a variety of skills. This position is varied and sometimes dull.

Job description: We are looking for an individual who is always ready to jump in and help out. This person must be able to handle a variety of low-skilled tasks. The ability to respond quickly and efficiently with little to no complaining is essential to this position.

The ideal candidate is cheerful, hardworking and optimistic. A successful Somebody is able to accurately estimate time needed to complete the task assigned and be open to creating new processes and efficiencies. The Somebody is expected to complete the task immediately upon being assigned.

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Job responsibilities include but are not limited to:

unload and reload the dishwasher
vacuum
clean a bathroom
pick up dog poop
cut grass
feed dogs
walk dogs
dust furniture
fold laundry
clear the dinner table
take out garbage & recycling
pick up miscellaneous grocery items
mop floors
wash windows
rake leaves
take garbage/recycling cart to street for pick up
take scraps to compost bin
shovel snow

Qualifications and skills: On the job training is offered; there is no educational requirement. When the question is asked, “Can somebody (insert job here)?” the Somebody will immediately stop whatever he or she is doing to respond with an enthusiastic “Yes!” and complete the job.

Advancement: A successful Somebody may be promoted to the role of Anybody. Job duties are the same but an Anybody is expected to anticipate tasks needing to be done and perform them without being asked. An Anybody is expected to be able to answer “Yes!” anytime upper management asks “Did anybody (insert job here)?”

Pay & Benefits: This position is paid in room and board; benefits include the satisfaction of a job well done and the knowledge that the company will continue to operate smoothly.

Cheers to moms everywhere who perform these tasks and more. The world is a better place because of what you do!

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