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Megan Cottam shares lessons from her family’s evening prayer routine.


When I tell new parents who are approaching the sacrament of Baptism that now is the time to begin their family’s prayer routine, I typically receive credulous stares in response. Isn’t it a bit early to be worried about that? What does praying with small children even look like? How can it possibly matter at this age?

Infants and toddlers participate in their world fully and then respond partially. When we focus on their response alone, we fail to see all the beautiful connections they are making and experiences they are absorbing. For example, in the first years of my son’s life, his version of the Sign of the Cross was closer to a spastic wave, yet he still knew when to make the sign and that in doing so he was participating with the community.

Rather than wait for perfection in linguistic and motor skills, it is critical to create ways for access and participation in our faith from the very first moments of our children’s lives. By doing so, we develop our children’s ability to process the world through the lens of Christ and His teachings.

 

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Since before they fully understood what they were doing, my children have participated in a nightly prayer routine with the entire family. Here’s what has worked for us.

We begin: “Thank you, God, for this day. Bless us now in every way. Thank you, God for …”

We each choose one thing we are grateful for in that day. For moms, this is the particularly humbling moment when you realize the grand activities you executed with hours of energy and planning were completely ignored for some very minor thing you didn’t notice even happen.

Next, we focus on one theme of our prayer depending on the day of the week. Our themes include family, leaders, teachers, the sick and vulnerable, and “personal choice” intentions. We seek to build awareness of the others around us in these varied categories.

Finally, we end in one of our faith tradition’s classic prayers and work on memorization. We mildly correct some words if it changes the theology of the prayer, but mostly let their natural language develop (“It’s ‘your will be done,’ honey, not ‘I will be done …”). We pray for each person in the room, and then end with the Sign of the Cross.

This practice has been in place since before our children could speak in full sentences, but they participated through listening, pointing, and nodding affirmations. Throughout the years, my husband and I have learned that family prayer isn’t only for the spiritual development of our children. Children’s prayers will certainly stretch your own theological formation as well.

“Mom, can I pray for my Barbies?”

“Can people anoint their sick puppies?”

“I pray that I have the power of invisibility!”

 

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Family prayer isn’t only for the spiritual development of our children. Children’s prayers will certainly stretch your own theological formation as well. #catholicmom

On one particular day, my then 3-year-old son was absolutely steadfast that his prayer intention was for Darth Vader. Explaining to a toddler that Darth Vader isn’t real and doesn’t truly need prayer isn’t as simple as it sounds. My first instinct was to glare at my husband for creating this Star Wars obsession in the first place. That proved ineffective. His older sister chimed in: “I know Darth Vader is a bad guy, but really he just needs a hug!” There’s about a century of good theology in that statement. Real or not, I began to think that this could serve as a good example. To my son, Darth Vader is absolutely real, and if he is real, he is certainly need of prayers for a conversation of heart.

It turns out that praying for Darth Vader has led to praying for others who need a conversion of heart. And sometimes praying for our “sick” teddy bear in need of surgery leads to praying for our church friend also facing surgery. Praying to find the missing toy lends itself to praying for people that go without in other ways. We are teaching the posture of praying, and it is up to our children to apply it to what is on their hearts.

Children have a rich spiritual imagination that embraces everything its scope. Therefore, give yourself abundant grace in the partial responses of your children, the seemingly irreverent or obscure prayers, and focus on the process. Your children are absorbing much more than you realize. So go ahead. Pray for Darth Vader, for even his story leads to the faith formation of your children.

 

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Copyright 2022 Megan Cottam
Images: copyright 2022 Megan Cottam, all rights reserved.